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Unfographic: A Fake History of MySpace


Sometimes fiction is more accurate than history.


From social networking monarch to Internet money pit, the MySpace story is a turbulent one. These are some of the "events" that have shaped its brief history.

Some poor sap launches an online network that connects members from all over the world, allowing them to share messages, online content and media. He/she/it calls it "Friendy's" or "Friender" or something like that.

Thomas "Tom" Anderson is approached by fellow classmates, the Jablowsky twins, to code a ripoff social networking site exclusively for their school called the DeVry Connection. Tom runs with the idea and starts his own third-generation competitor, MySpace, initially as a way to rate the attractiveness of women.

A beta version of Myspace goes live using ColdFusion, specifically the hydrogen isotope Deuterium. Dozens are killed from the radiation.

Emerging artists like the Billionaire Boys and My Chemical Romance and cyber vixens like Tila Tequila are strategically recruited to create profiles. Soon MySpace revolutionizes the way people consume music, video and pictures of Asian transvestites.

News Corp.'s Rupert Murdoch purchases MySpace for $580 million in a sad attempt to get more MySpace friends than that pandering, social-climbing co-president of Viacom, Leslie Moonves.

One million people join MySpace, six of whom, suffering from epilepsy, die from seizures provoked by the animated GIFs in their friends' profiles.

MySpace is valued at $12 billion. Murdoch attempts to merge the site with Yahoo!, a move indicative of the famous Murdoch Touch which eventually turns anything he acquires into an irrelevant media dinosaur.

Comedian phenomenon Dane Cook's friend request is denied by former Secretary of Transportation, Norman Mineta. Instead, his two-millionth friend becomes DickPunch77.

Facebook usurps MySpace for unique visitors and claims a 153% annual growth rate compared to MySpace's 3%. On top of that, all of Tom Anderson's FarmVille invites to Mark Zuckerberg are ignored.

The MySpace biopic The Social Entertainment Destination wins Best Picture at the Ottawa Film and Wind Chill Festival. David Cronenberg also wins for Best Director.

News Corp. sells struggling MySpace for $35 million to Specific Media. The site will now be run by Napster and Facebook co-founder, Justin Timberlake.

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