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"We Are Apple" and Five Other Horrifying Corporate Anthems That Will Stun You Into Submission

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For all the talk these days about being a "team player," it wouldn't be a wholly terrible idea to take a look at some corporate anthems that would make even the most cynical employee's chest swell with pride. Or is that embarrassment?

Up first, a corporate anthem commissioned by Apple in 1984 to get employees amped up for the year's new offerings:

Next up, The Gazprom Song:

But wait, it only gets better from here. Ladies and gents, I present to you...the corporate song of Coal India Limited!

When you're done wiping the tears from your emotional eyes, take a look at what keeps Fujitsu employees motivated to get up every morning whatever the hell it is Fujitsu actually does:

Not to be outdone, IBM created this anthemic gem for its, uh...champions:

Not to be outdone, Ernst & Young entered the fray with this:

Below is where the AT&T, Unisys, and Hewlett-Packard corporate anthems were supposed to go, but a sense of general unease and off-the-charts depression set in and, for the sake of us all, let's just leave well enough alone.
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.