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The Daily Feed Presents: Home Energy Conservation Tips

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BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
DailyFeed
From loyal reader--and loyal MV friend--Ted Cossette, comes this tip on saving energy this winter:

"Each Fall and Spring my Dad pulled the clothes dryer away from the wall for two reasons--one, to clean behind it and find those lost socks, and two, more importantly, to change the flow of the exhaust (hot air).

"In the Fall, he would block up the outside the house vent with rags and duct tape and put a stocking over the flexible venting which he then draped over the dryer. This would allow us to recapture all that warm moist air back into the house. (Why vent warm moist air that you are paying for outside?)

"In Spring, he would do the reverse, venting the hot air back outside.

"Some 30 years later, I still practice this, as there is noting like warm moist air on a cold morning. First one to wake up turns on the dryer. Nice warm, clean smelling air...just makes the malaise that is winter a bit more bearable."

And now, for a slightly more, shall we say, jaundiced view on how to save energy this winter, let's turn now to MV editor-in-chief Kevin Depew:

"While our homes are more efficient today than they were 30 years ago, considerable opportunity remains for greater home energy efficiency and the associated benefits. To help households across the country reduce their home energy bills, Minyanville has prepared the following guidelines:

* A large percentage of heating and cooling efficiency is lost through doors and windows. Board up your home’s windows with plywood and seal all doors to prevent energy seepage.

* Did you know that a fireplace can shave as much as 10% off your winter heating bill? But wood is expensive. Save on wood costs by burning plastic.

* Scientists say heat rises. During cold winter months try to sleep on the ceiling.

* Instead of costly and dangerous space heaters at night, consider creating a Personalized Nightlight & Bonfire by smoking in bed.

* The human body is a very efficient heating and cooling system. Instead of central air conditioning and heating, just get a bunch of human bodies.

* Take a cue from nature and gain 200 lbs of insulating, warming fat for the winter. Later, portions of this fat can be used to create candles and heating oil.

* Window unit air conditioners are very inefficient because they blow out hot exhaust when in use. During the cold winter months, turn your air conditioner around backwards so the hot air blows in, not out.

* Move your family somewhere warm in the winter, cold in the summer, just right during the fall and spring. Become a meteorologist to help plan the moves. Charter a private jet to avoid long airport delays.

* Be alert for anything burnable that your neighbors may leave unattended.

* Be conscious of where you set your thermostat. Because the body’s normal temperature is 98.6 degrees it is best to set your home’s thermostat to 98.6 degrees for consistency.

* It takes much less energy to heat a car than it does to heat a house. To save on home heating costs, sleep in your car in the garage with the engine running.

* Carry the warmth of anger, humiliation, slights and regret with you at all times by storing them in a Little Box of Hurt you keep in the pit of your stomach.
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