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Thanksgiving Feast Found in Teen's Pants

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Deon Williams of Brooklyn was arrested yesterday after being caught walking out of a store with a 12-pound turkey his pants.

"He's got a big turkey in his pants!" Fine Fare Grocery cashier Michelle Benjamin yelled to butcher Sergio Marte, who chased Williams down.

Marte demanded Williams hand over the bird, which he did--after which he punched Marte in the jaw for good measure.

Marte told the New York Post that "the $84 worth of Boar's Head Oven Gold 'was in good condition.'"

Williams was charged with robbery, petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property.

Minyanville recently took a closer look at retail theft--and meat, surprisingly, is one of the most-stolen items in the industry.

Rhett Asher, head of loss prevention for the Food Marketing Institute, a Washington-based group representing food retailers nationwide, said, "I've seen some strange ways that people have tried to get meat out of stores. I've seen heavy people put the meat between their legs, say, under a skirt, and walk out. I've seen a mother put slabs of meat in her baby carriage and then put the baby on top."

Mark Zachary of Orangeburg, South Carolina, was busted with $80 worth of New York strip steak under his shirt.

The manager confronted Zachary about the bread-box-sized object hiding in plain sight, before Zachary fled -- directly into the arms of an off-duty police officer who was entering the store to do some shopping.

At trial, Zachary presented a novel defense: He denied that he intended to steal the meat, but rather, was merely “massaging it.”

Of course. Sometimes a guy sees a steak and thinks, "Gee, that beef looks stressed out." Right? Anyone? Anyone?
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