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Steve Jobs to Become Stealthy Assassin of the Night

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When he's not heading one of the largest tech companies in the world, Steve Jobs is training to be an assassin of the night. A silent phantasm with unparalleled skill and honor, Jobs will soon stalk his competitors as prey, amongst the shadows, forever hidden from his unsuspecting targets. That is, until it's too late.

You see, in a recent trip to Osaka's Kansai International Airport, Jobs was allegedly stopped by security for illegal contraband in his carry-on luggage. Was it drugs? Firearms? Some indigenous variety of lizard, perhaps?

Nope. It was ninja throwing stars -- or shuriken, for our Shogun disciple readers.

Citing Japan's SPA! Magazine, Bloomberg reported the CEO was stopped from boarding his private jet before a returning flight home to the US. Saying he was unlikely to hijack his own plane, Jobs nevertheless handed the ancient weaponry over to the officials and vowed never to return to Japan again.

That is, unless it's a matter of revenge for dishonoring him and his family. Such is the Ninja Code.

But as believable as it is for Jobs to abandon his Apple post and become a proficient master of the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique, a company spokesperson was quick to deny the story. According to All Things Digital, Apple's official response was, "Steve did visit Japan this summer for a vacation in Kyoto, but the incidents described at the airport are pure fiction. Steve had a great time and hopes to visit Japan again soon."

Sounds as if Steve Jobs' techniques have progressed so that actual blades and blunt objects would be superfluous.

Watch out, Google.
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.