Sorry!! The article you are trying to read is not available now.

Steve Jobs Can Now Silently Judge You From Your Desk

Print comment Post Comments
Fanboys rejoice! For your golden calf has been forged!

Never again allow a day to pass without staring into the holy visage of your leader. Spit on your office's employee guidelines and worship proudly at your desk. Remind yourself that your accomplishments and personal triumphs pale in comparison to the Almighty. Betray your confidence. Destroy your will. Repent before the overwhelming power of black turtlenecks.


Standing taller than an iPhone but shorter than an iPad, this effigy serves as a symbol for all your materialistic dreams. Complete with rimless spectacles, faded Levi's, and a palpable sense of hubris, the mini-Steve Jobs is a faithful representation of the Cupertino Messiah. In fact, even the iPhone in its hand also doesn't work on AT&T's network. But above all, this $80 figurine is appropriately marked up for an Apple product and makes the perfect stocking stuffer for the condescending person in your life.

For the devout Apple user, a $2.99 kit is available. This optional set includes a brush -- for gently cleaning the divine idol's beard and wrinkles of wisdom -- and a set of ten speech balloons, ideal for scribing the musings of your sacred master. You know, things like "What have you done that's so great," "Please leave us alone," or maybe a simple and succinct "No."

But no matter how you display your object of affection, rest assured that no other figurine -- not the Steve Ballmer, not the Eric Schmidt -- better reflects the cold, soulless rigidity of its source.
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.