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Snooki to Publish Novel, As-Yet Unnamed Ghostwriter to Actually Pen It

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Simon & Schuster, the venerable publishing house behind National Book Award winner "The Shipping News" by Annie Proulx, Bob Woodward's latest opus "Obama's Wars," and the Pulitzer Prize-winning "Lincoln at Gettysburg" by Garry Wills, will be releasing a new piece of literature which should further burnish its sterling reputation as one of the finest presses in the world:

"A Shore Thing," the debut novel from Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, the "Jersey Shore" cast member who admits to only having read two books in her life--"Twilight" and "Dear John"--will be hitting shelves early next year.

The budding novelist, who has somehow managed to schedule in writing time between beers, says her upcoming tour de force "will revolve around a girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans and fights galore)."

Giving readers a taste of the intellect Snooki will be pouring onto the page, she told, "I'm pumped to announce to my fans a project that I've been working on for some time."

And Jennifer Bergstrom of Simon and Schuster's Gallery Books added: "Who's better than Snooki to write a fun, sexy novel about a single girl looking for love on the Jersey Shore?"

Hmmmm...Agatha Christie? Wait--she's dead. Um...Alice Munro? Dammit, no--she's from Canada. Hang on, lemme think...hoo Plath! S--t, she's dead too...

Well, Jennifer, I guess you're right. No one's better than Snooki to write this book. Except her ghostwriter.
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