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Snooki to Be Dropped Inside Times Square Ball on New Years

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"Every part of this story makes me sad. Literally every single thing, even the thes and the commas."

Former MTV VJ Dave Holmes said it best on his Tumblr blog today. The news is more than just disheartening. It crushes hope. It strangles spirit. It drags optimism into a rickety tool shed and leaves behind a bloodied, whimpering husk.

Snooki will be a key figure in ringing in 2011 in New York's Times Square.

MTV -- the network that should denounce everything it's done post-Cobain -- is placing Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi inside a ball that will be dropping in Times Square as part of its "MTV New Year's Bash" special. In addition, fellow castmembers will lead the crowd in a collective fist pump in order to break a Guinness world record.

So, let's recap.

First, MTV unleashes a slew of lowlives and walking embarrassments onto its airwaves and defends their worthiness to be celebrated and rewarded. In turn, more drooling mongoloids begin to emulate the cast's aggressively arrogant demeanor and self-satisfied lifestyle. Because of this, these giggling subhumans achieve more wealth and fame than anyone who actually contributes to humanity's progress. Their egos grow. Their notoriety flourishes. Their influence prospers.

And now, they're prominently featured in a live New Years telecast.

If cancer had a face, if the Plague had a personality, if every grand-scale tragedy this planet has witnessed -- poverty, war, genocide, tsunamis, AIDS, hate crimes, oil spills -- were personified, it'd be four-foot-nine with a sideways trucker cap and fake tan.
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