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Seven CEOs Who Just Learned Their Zodiac Sign is Actually Ophiuchus

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After astronomer Parke Kunkle gave a report to the Minnesota Planetarium Society, in which he noted that, "As millenniums passed by, the moon's gravitational pull has made the Earth "wobble" around its axis, creating about a one-month bump in the stars' alignment," the astrological community went bananas.

A 13th sign, Ophiuchus, was added to the zodiac chart. And everything changed in an instant. All of sudden, not only was the universe out of alignment, but what would it do to all of those personalities?? says an Ophiuchus is "honest, intellectual, sexually magnetic, jealous and prone to change.

But Kunkle says, "Sure, we can connect harvest to the stars. But personality? No."

The Inquisitr totally disagrees, saying, "Although pretty much no one can pronounce it, we know people born under the sign of Ophiuchus are said to be honest, intellectual, sexually magnetic, jealous and prone to change, all descriptors which totally make sense when discussing a single thirteenth of the population born between November 29th and December 17th."

Just in case this whole "science" deal is as off-base as I think it is, here's how things will shake out for the following CEOs who just learned their zodiac sign is now actually Ophiuchus:

* Ivan Seidenberg, Chairman/CEO, Verizon. Born 12/10/1946

Prone to change: He did start his career straight out of high school, working as a lineman’s assistant before working his way up to CEO of Verizon.

* Ken Frazier, President/CEO, Merck. Born 12/17/1954

Honest (depending on how you view attorneys): Member of Council of the American Law Institute, American Bar Association, American Corporate Counsel Association, Association of General Counsel, Council on Foreign Relations and Pennsylvania Bar Association.

* Steven Temares, CEO Bed Bath & Beyond. Born 12/6/1958

Prone to change: “I wasn’t interested in leaving the law firm [where I worked at the time when BBBY called me in for an interview]. I just went as a courtesy,” Temares told a reporter from his college newspaper. “Bed Bath and Beyond was about to go public and they were looking for someone familiar with real estate to help lay out a plan for future store development.”

* Muhtar Kent, Chairman/CEO, Coca-Cola. Born 12/1/1952

Sagittarian Mark Twain has also just become a posthumous Ophiuchus. And Muhtar sounds vaguely like the name Mark, so that’s enough of a connection for me.

* Rich Templeton, Chairman/President/CEO, Texas Instruments Born 12/12/1958

I dunno…I’m running out of things to say about these guys…

* Scott Davis, Chairman/CEO, UPS. Born 12/12/1951

Same problem. Is he honest? Probably. Jealous? No idea.

* Marty Mucci, President/CEO Paychex. Born 12/1/1959

Well, I don’t know much about the guy--but he is sexually magnetic:

Oh, wait--that's semi-legendary soul crooner D'Angelo. Oops. Sorry.
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.