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Robots Will One Day Hold Nearly Half of All Jobs in U.S.

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According to people familiar with science, one day robots will hold nearly half of all jobs in the U.S. before their artificial intelligence develops enough for them to recognize that hahaha! we didn't want those jobs anyway because they suck and then, wait a minute, why are the robot workers looking at us like that? Why are they chasing us? Dear lord, why are they squeezing our heads?

Oh, that's right, because their artificial intelligence cannot comprehend the full range of human emotions, including embarrassment and humiliation, and so they soon begin to malfunction and go haywire, eventually seeking to exact revenge on their creators, or in this case humiliators, by relentlessly hunting them down to squeeze their heads like that replicant did to Eldon Tyrell in that move Bladerunner.

The chart below shows which industries will be most affected by robot head-squeezing.

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