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RIM's Secret Weapon Against Apple, Android Right Under Its Nose

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It's a sign of confidence. A symbol of both power and laid back charm. An homage to stalwart gents like Teddy Roosevelt, Wilford Brimley, and Mark Spitz.

And, oh yeah, it's unequivocally irresistible to women.

Of course, I'm speaking of the mustache -- the Pushbroom, the Soup Strainer, Nature's Spanish Fly. To cultivate the ultimate mustache takes style, persistence, and finesse. Those who mock are clearly just jealous.

And perhaps the only company willing to celebrate the quintessential product of manhood is Research in Motion.

Throughout the month of November, RIM will be holding a competition for the greatest mustache grown over the course of those 30 days. Rules insist that you must be clean-shaven on the first and document the growth via photos on each Monday by 4PM. Hair must not be grown past the lower lip and can't be conjoined with the sideburns -- a classic rookie cheat.

Entrants must donate $5 and proceeds will be going to Prostate Cancer Canada.

While it may not be a quality touchscreen phone, the competition could induce the testicular fortitude required to turn the company around and wage an actual threat to those smug Apple and Android punks.

Or, more likely, it'll be a fun diversion as BlackBerry sinks further down the smartphone line.

POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.