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Ohio Destroys Thrill of Snow Days

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I defy you to think of a bigger joy in life than a snow day.

Water slides are ruined by crowds. The perfect meal costs a fortune. Even sex leads to soul-crushing trips to Ikea.

But snow days are like winning the lottery. The excitement of the weather report. The prayers for a substantial snowfall. The anticipation of hearing your school on the radio. And then, sweet victory: a weekday filled with pajamas, cartoons, and sledding. Nothing else like it.

And now one school district in Ohio is aiming to deprive kids of that joy.

The Columbus Dispatch reports Mississinawa Valley in Darke County will be experimenting with online classes should the western Ohio district call off school due to inclement weather. Students would have to log in to an online classroom where they'll be learning about gerunds rather than playing outside.

The project is intended to decrease the number of calamity days during the winter that could be tacked on at the end of the school year in June. District heads also believe the online classes will help students prepare for college -- where online commuting is more common.

Two reasons that absolutely fail to justify denying kids a snow day.

First off, is today's modern child really so unaccustomed to the Internet? Are they really unprepared for the message boards and chat rooms that make up an online university class? Seems to me those are the types of classes most of these kids will be enrolling in.

And is calamity day reshuffling all that difficult? I made it through basic education by having an allotment of snow days -- and that was even during the Storm of the Century, Blizzard of '96, and two ice storms that each took out a week of school in Northern New Jersey. We made up the time in June, but nothing was better than those unexpected breaks in the middle of winter months.

If the experiment is deemed successful, Mississinawa superintendent Lisa Wendel mentioned the state could possibly eliminate calamity days altogether.

I wonder if Wendel is ready for a flood of forged letters stating "The storm took out our family's Internet connection."
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