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Newspaper to Allow Customers to Comment on Articles for .99 Cent Fee

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Alright, listen up, knuckleheads. Look, I am sick and tired of the blatant disregard for our appropriateness guidelines, blind accusations and all the unsubstantiated allegations you people are posting on our articles. Sick of it! It's turned into a free-for-all. This is a newspaper, for chrissakes! A newspaper! So here's what we're going to do: From now on, all posters will be required to register their name, address, phone number and a legitimate credit card number and then -- Shut up, knuckleheads, I'm talking! Listen for a change, you might learn something. Look, the credit card will only be charged a one-time fee of 99 cents, just to activate the account. But hear me now and hear me good: If any of you knuckleheads start cracking wise you'll be suspended. Suspended! Oh, and that's not all, Smarty Smart Guy commenters. When you register as a commenter under the new guidelines, you will be required to acknowledge that you understand that under existing state and federal laws you are legally responsible for any comments you post. Heh! What do you think about that? So, go ahead. Sign up, pay your fee and comment away. That is all.
-- The Sun Chronicle Restores Commenting Section to Website

Damn, what did you people that read the Sun Chronicle do? That cat isn't playing around, is he? Well, at least you can still comment here for free.
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