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Human Achievement Hits Apex in New Snuggie Ad

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Shut it down. Shut it all down. We're done. Finished. Humanity will never progress past this point. It would be an exercise in futility to even try.

For we, as a species, have created the newest ad for the Snuggie blanket.

It is the culmination of all human evolution and achievement. The collective conscience of our greatest minds, philosophers, and practitioners throughout history amassed into tangibility and unleashed as a television spot for a gag gift with ironic appeal. The level of triumph witnessed in these 30 seconds exceeds anything a mortal being has produced, witnessed, or imagined since the inception of time.

The hula hoops. The Foosball. The leopard print grandmother. The centerfold. The dancing dog. The song parody and accompanied dance of a 15-year-old song that even "Mambo No. 5" couldn't out-lame.

He raised the roof. Holy Mary, Mother of God, he raised the roof.

Remember this day, my friends. It's the moment that life as we know it dips and begins rolling down the proverbial hill.

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