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Google Crushes Competition by Destroying Productivity

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In May of this year, Google took an opportunity to level the competitive playing field across every industry. Not with a revolutionary product, not with an innovative web app. Google simply changed its logo into a playable Pac-Man game. The search giant claimed it was to "mark" the 30th anniversary of the Namco smash hit, but analysts knew better.

It was to siphon millions of dollars and hours of productivity from its competitors.

The following week, estimates of the loss of time came pouring in. Nearly five million hours were spent worldwide playing the Google logo, culminating to an estimated $300 million of wasted company dollars if each visitor earned the average salary of a Google employee.

"Don't Be Evil?" Ha! Everyone knew this Silicon Valley Machiavelli was just biding its time before it struck again with a brand new time-sucking logo.

Sure enough, Google seized work time yet again by changing the Google Doodle into a cursor-controlled array of swirling colorful balls. No mortal human could resist its siren song. Tableau Public posted a calculator to estimate the dollar amount that evaporated into an animated logo.

Without an alibi as to what the balls meant or what occasion they meant to celebrate, analysts began submitting theories. The 12-year anniversary of when Google became incorporated? A tribute to the 1995 launch of a rudimentary form of Javascript? One PC World commenter posits that it could mark the publication of Stephen Hawking's book on quantum mechanics The Grand Design. A chaotic array of orbs could represent the unpredictable behavior of quarks.

That's the first thing most people think of, at least.

But no theory holds up to scrutiny as well as it being just another instance of a mighty tech behemoth laying waste to the industrious yet easily distracted individuals employed at Apple, Yahoo, Microsoft, IBM, Sony, etc.

And once the logos become playable on mobile devices, it'll be the end of business and civilization as we know it.
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.