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Fed Orders NYC to Stop Shouting Directions

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What makes New Yorkers so tense? Is it the traffic? The noise? Perhaps the sweltering humidity within the bowels of the subway system? Maybe the families of wide-eyed, Kodak-sporting tourists who stand five abreast and gawk at buildings taller than nine stories?

Nope, it's none of those things. If you ask the city's Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan, it's the stress from trying to read those illegible and gosh-darn shouty street signs. Imagine, having to live beneath the deafening all-caps font for the better part of a century, feeling demoralized while you reference Google Maps on your iPhone.

No wonder New Yorkers are constantly on edge!

Well, the Federal Highway Administration aims to alleviate Gothamites' blood pressure with alterations to every single one of the 250,900 street signs in Manhattan. Say goodbye to HOUSTON ST. and hello to warmer, gentler Houston St. At the low, low cost of just $27.6 million, those mean ol' street signs won't be hurting our feelings anymore. And as a bonus, folks who can't differentiate a capital G with an ampersand won't be confused while driving -- leading to fewer accidents.

As opposed to, you know, interminable roadwork, axle-smashing pot holes, and handing out taxi cab licenses at Penn Station.

Sadik-Khan spoke with the New York Post about the shift to lower case letters. "We have already started replacing the signs in The Bronx," she said. "We will have 11,000 done by the end of this fiscal year, and the rest finished by 2018."

Although the typeface Clearview has already been chosen for the new signs, petitions are underway for both an elegant italic and a light-hearted Comic Sans.

That oughtta cheer up budget-strapped New York!
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