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Facebook Attempts to Trademark Word 'Face'

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In one of the more audacious moves in the annals of American business, Facebook has filed to trademark the word "face."

Apparently not content with going after companies that deign to use the word "book" in their names, like LLC, a Web community that allows teachers to share resources, Zuckerberg & Co. are stepping up their game.

When a mobile payments app called FaceCash emerged, Facebook decided to take a firm stand so as to protect its brand.

However, patent and trademark lawyer Henry Sneath told, "I'd bet against face® being awarded to Facebook. You cannot overtake the use of a generic word people use in everyday speech."

Whether Sneath is ultimately correct or not, if Facebook is really serious about this initiative, they really need to start thinking bigger than trying to crush a couple of dinky websites that happen to use the English language, too. Come on, Facebook--go BIG! You're Facebook--you can do whatever you want!

For starters:

With almost 7 billion people in the world, that's 7 billion opportunities to collect a royalty each time someone refers to his or her own face®. But why stop there? Go ahead and trademark as many synonyms for "face" as you can--visage®, simulacrum®, kisser®, mug®, and, oh, I don't know...I'm sure there are others that your crack team of attorneys can come up with.

Then, there's superstar music producer Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds. Someone should really get on this guy--just think of the confusion it could cause. Suppose, say, Mariah Carey wants to set up a Facebook profile but accidentally calls Babyface and winds up recording a platinum album by mistake. There goes another FB member, down the drain.

Also, perhaps the 1979 film "Quadrophenia" should be re-cut to strip out all appearances of Ace Face, the character played by a young Sting®.

I could get started on the word "book" but it seems sort of pointless, as no one will know what they are in a year or two anyway.
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