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Don't Make Joseph Cassano Remove His Glasses

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BEHIND THE PHOTO
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From today's Financial Times, the following photo and caption: "Joseph Cassano (the former AIG chief executive) broke his silence with a staunch defence to Congress of his business’s actions."



Federal Crisis Inquiry Commissioner Peter Walliston: Mr. Cassano, while at AIG, did you make any errors?

Joseph Cassano: Do you see these glasses I'm wearing?

Commissioner Walliston: I - what's that have to do with -

Cassano: My eyes contain lasers. Fiery, flesh-melting lasers.

Federal Crisis Inquiry Chairman Phil Angelides: You can't be serious.

Cassano: I'm quite serious.

Commissioner Walliston: Where are you going with this, Mr. Cassano?

Cassano: Do you know what a petawatt is?

Chairman Angelides:
A what?

Cassano: Yes, exactly. A watt... times one quadrillion.

Commissioner Walliston: Dear God...

Chairman Angelides: I don't get it.

Commissioner Walliston: Shut up, Phil. A petawatt, that's a quadrillion watts. That would make... your eye... your laser eyes -

Cassano: - among the most powerful lasers on Earth.

Chairman Angelides:
You mean his eyes are lasers!?

Cassano:
That's merely an approximation, of course... a strange byproduct of radical LASIK eye surgery gone... how shall I say this... awry.

Commissioner Walliston:
You're mad.

Cassano:
So, gentlemen, if were I to remove these glasses... like this (reaches up to remove glasses)...

Commissioner Walliston:
Ahem. That won't be necessary, Mr. Cassano.

Cassano:
Good. The glasses will stay on then. But so it's said, gentlemen, while I don't particularly... enjoy this power, I am nevertheless quite willing to avail myself of its unique... resolutory properties... should the situation arise.
POSITION:  No position in scenario mentioned.
TAGS:  AIG, JOSEPH CASSANO, FCIC, LASERS    SOURCE:   Financial Times
TICKERS:  NYSE:AIG   

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