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Columbia Business School Assumes Motherly Role

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In recent years, schools across the country have had to contend with an increase in "helicopter parenting." Moms and dads flooding teachers' offices and inboxes with demands to give their precious snowflakes special treatment -- rather than allow the children to learn and develop on their own. With parents' over-protectiveness reaching epidemic levels, schools have given in to crazed community's demands with ridiculous initiatives -- padded playgrounds, non-competitive games, no touching policies, etc.

It's something we've come to expect on the elementary and even junior high level, but we certainly wouldn't assume this practice would extend well into college.

Over the course of two emails sent to students, the prestigious Columbia Business School provided a list of tips to excel in the financial world and essentially licked their thumbs and wiped the faces of grimacing students.

The first email, courtesy of Dealbreaker, detailed business etiquette and aimed to curb underhanded tactics. Loose repercussions were implied, although "time out" threats weren't specifically mentioned.

To: ''
Subject: [IBC] Break-out Sessions with Bankers–PLEASE READ CAREFULLY

Dear 1st years –

It has come to our attention that some of you have already managed to become notorious for their willingness to elbow their peers out of the circle around senior bankers and virtually attack the bankers with questions, thus preventing other students from networking and participating in the conversation. This is never a good strategy and acting in a socially undesirable way runs a strong risk of branding you as undesirable not just to your classmates but also to recruiters. Once you feel that you have asked a couple of questions, and perhaps received a business card, do not monopolize the banker's time by standing around awkwardly or asking additional questions. Let your classmates play as well. Furthermore, such behavior shows that you are aggressive and non-collegial, and therefore not a pleasant person to work 100-hour weeks with.

Bankers are very observant people. Moreover, it is much easier to remember somebody with a bad impression than with a good impression – do not smother the bankers with too many questions.

§ If you see a classmate standing behind you, step aside and let them in the circle around the banker – it shows team work

§ Ask a couple of questions and then move on or remain silent and let your classmates interact as well

§ If there are 6-7 students around 1 banker, you do not want to ask more than one or two questions

§ If there are 2-3 students you can ask a few more questions if you feel you are bonding well, but always be considerate toward your classmates – use your best judgment

§ If you feel you have spend a good 15-20 minutes with one banker, it is ok to excuse yourself politely and ask for a business card

§ If the banker has run out of business cards and you have one, offer to share with your classmates

§ Remember that these events are also meant to screen for those who can one day win business from clients – treat the recruiters the way you would treat a multi-billion dollar client

§ Do not monopolize recruiter's time – especially the senior bankers. Talk to the junior bankers as well – they often are take the first stab at drafting invite only lists

§ Do not be fake and superficial in your attempt to shine – bankers interact with tens of people on a daily basis and can easily spot fake from genuine behavior

§ Do not overwhelm bankers with questions when they are taking a small break (i.e. chewing food) – remember they are also human beings and have had a very long day at work.

§ Do not get drunk or gobble down food in front of bankers no matter how hungry and tired you are

§ Do not be intimidated to let your personality shine – being stuck-up is never a good strategy – be pleasant, be fun, smile, and stay professional

Your aim at these sessions is not to compete with your classmates, but to impress the bankers. Be smart about it – this is not rocket science!

Use your social intelligence and best judgment. Be a team player. Be considerate to your peers. This will help not only you, but also the school, look professional and desirable.

Thank you and good luck.

IBC Board

The second email, also courtesy of Dealbreaker, took on a more maternal role. Here, hygiene and appearance are of utmost importance, especially if you're in some terrible accident and the doctors find you have soiled underwear.

To: ''
Subject: [IBC] Personal hygiene

Dear 1st Year Members,

It has come to our attention (through complaints from IBC board representing firms they are going to full time) that some of you may not have followed personal hygiene basics during recruiting events. We understand that it is an incredibly intense recruiting period, and is very hard to find time for yourself, but this is a friendly reminder on some dress code and personal hygiene basics:

§ Brush your teeth regularly, or have a mint/mouth refreshers before going to recruiting events (avoid chewing gums)

§ Carry anti-perspirant with you if you are worried about sweating. Don't wear too much cologne/perfume

§ Carry a sewing mini-toolkit, in case your suit hems need an emergency sewing

§ Professional haircuts

§ No backpacks with you

§ Men – no tacky cufflinks or watches (with no crazy patterns, silver is preferable to gold)

§ Women – wear (preferably skin colored) hosiery and always carry an extra pair in your bag

§ Women – if it rains, do not show up in rain boots, no matter how cute you think they are

And again, if you have ANY concerns, please do not hesitate to share with the IBC Board!

It's ridiculous that an ivy league university is forced to detail etiquette and bathroom behavior that should've been perfected in grammar school. But then again, having ridden on subway trains to and from Wall Street, anything that creates a more hygienic financial employee would be greatly appreciated.
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.