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"Balloon Boy" Dad Quadruples Own Despicability

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"You guys said that, um, we did this for the show."

If only Falcon's timid and confused utterance actually hitched the Heene family's fame to a single show. Instead, that Mylar Media Kit opened the floodgates to years of that attention-seeking jackass Richard Heene.

After an abbreviated stint in the Gray Bar Hotel, Heene got to thinking, "How could I possibly become more objectionable and despised than I am right now?" After a brief moment, it came to him: Commercial Pitchman!

Heene is now the creator and official spokesperson for Bear Scratch -- an honest-to-goodness hunk of wood you attach to your wall, allowing you to writhe your body up and down to alleviate any itchiness. You know, like bears do. Then again, no rough-barked maple in the Pacific Northwest comes with the catchy tagline "To itch, his own!"

You can thank ol' Richard Heene for that one.

But don't take my word for it. Experience your own seething rage firsthand by watching Heene pitch his product. (Note: You may want to lower you speakers a tad.)

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