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Andy Rooney Doesn't Care For Car Gadgetry

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I'm going to miss Larry King. Not because I think he was a particularly great host and interviewer. I just deeply appreciate the stranglehold of an aging public figure's career while their mental capacity slowly and steadily deteriorates. It's been a wondrous sight, watching Larry screw up show after show and alienating guest after guest with his stereotypical unprepared style. Anyone who caught his program the day Michael Jackson died was more amazed at his jaw-droppingly inappropriate coverage than the story itself.

Which is why Andy Rooney is such a comfort. At 91, he's showing every sign of slowing down but virtually none of quitting. For years now, he's choosing topics of discussion even doddering great-grandfathers would consider too petty and inconsequential. My personal favorite: Rooney's confusion on the types of milk.

But this Sunday, Andy didn't disappoint. He cut through the chaff and delved into a topic that affects each and every one of us: Why are car gadgets so gosh darn confusing?

Good ol' Andy gave his thoughts on Ford supporting Android devices in its Sync-equipped cars. He admitted he doesn't know what an "Android equipped phone" is and "wouldn't know what it was if he saw one." But to his credit, he did get the terminology correct.

"Do drivers really need to log onto the Internet while they speak to friends," Rooney asked, "while the kids watch a movie on a video screen in the backseat, and at the same time have the GPS help locate the best Italian restaurant in the area?"

Actually Andy, yes, it's pretty helpful.

As he's wont to do, Andy meandered off into somewhat-related topics, specifically the different types of environmentally friendly cars. He makes reference to the vehicles which run on used cooking oil. "Of course, I don't want a car that smells like bacon grease or French fries," Rooney said.

I suppose mentholated rub has a much more pleasing aroma.

Andy concluded his segment with a dollop of his folksy charm. "I just want a car that I can drive to the store in and pick up a bottle of milk and a loaf of bread and go home."

A bottle of milk.

Oh Andy, please don't ever leave us.
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