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5 Laptops Uglier Than Apple's New MacBook Air

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“Apple's iPad-Like MacBook Air Is Sexy Laptop.”

So reads the headline of Rich Jaroslovsky review of Apple’s new machine on Bloomberg.

Given Jaroslovsky’s eastern-European surname, and the requisite lack of the indefinite article before “sexy laptop,” it’s difficult not to read the headline without a certain flair of a Russian accent.

“Comrades! New MacBook sexy laptop! I like. Now I crush!!!!”

Anyway, Jaroslovsky is certainly correct in his analysis. The new MacBook Air is sexy. But so what? So is Lindsay Lohan, but you don’t exactly want to take her home to mom.

So today, let’s take a moment to give a shout out to all the brutally unsexy laptops out there.

1) NEC’s La Vie G Hello Kitty model

There are a number of shocking things going on here, the least of which is that this blindingly pink laptop actually uses 299 Swarovski crystals to depict four hearts and a Hello Kitty face on its back panel.

NEC released this beast back in 2007. Company spokesman Shinya Hashizume said that “PC users now tend to be men, but we’re hoping to attract women with this product.” Unfortunately, the 6 month – 11 year old girl demographic probably didn’t have $1,650 lying around to pick one up.

2) NEC Type – NO1

This laptop basically looks like it’s come from the future, if the future were 1972. But back in 2006, this machine was every gamer’s little slice of heaven, with a 15.4-inch WXGA display, 1.6GHz AMD Mobile Sempron 3200+ processor,1GB of DDR2 RAM, 80-100GB hard drive, and dual-layer DVD burner.

Underneath all the stickers and weird add-ons, the computer is just a LaVie G type L laptop.

3) IBM Think Pad T40

It’s black, it’s green, it’s blue, it’s red, and it’s enter key is…teal? It’s 2003!

The engineers behind IBM’s Think Pad were more inclined to design this bad boy in the spirit of a tank than of a thing of beauty. And for a lot of users, that was just fine. But as one reviewer put it, this laptop was “aggressively ugly,” especially considering the big red pimple in the middle of the keyboard.

4) SpaceBook 17

gScreen describes it as “the first dual screen notebook with two identical screens and a full-size keyboard, built into one laptop unit.” Inside, the computer is quite impressive, with IntelCore i7- 620M 4M Cache 2.66 Ghz Processor, 4GB DDR3,1GB NVIDIA GeForce GTS 150M GPU, etc, etc.

But c’mon! Look! It’s a laptop with TWO SCREENS!

5) Tulip E-Go Diamond

This thing is so ugly it actually comes with a model so you're distracted!

No, the Tulip E-Go Diamond is actually just your everyday $350,000 laptop that combines the elegant look of PowerRangers with the pragmatic design of Klingon warships. It was designed by Ego, a luxury product company founded in 2003.
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