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Apple Has Never Been More Lame

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When's the last time you had the courage to page through an old yearbook? How long has it been since you've reached up on the shelf and pulled down an mercilessly accurate representation of your interests and fashion senses from 15, 20, 25 years ago?

While it might be fun to chuckle and cringe at the rattails, shoulder pads, and Hypercolor shirts donned by our classmates, not many of us have the self-esteem that can withstand the sight of us with lines shaved into the sides of our hair.

After all, we already know the pangs of fear that shoot through our body whenever Facebook (FB) or Google+ (GOOG) alerts us that we've been tagged in a photo.

There's a reason why we'd rather our past be viewed through rose-colored glasses than a well-trafficked social network: We were far too optimistic and comfortable in our own bodies back then. That inevitably leads to embarrassment a decade or two later.

So, when a fashion blogger unearthed a catalog of Apple (AAPL) gear from 1986, there was no question that humiliation laid within. However, unless you dabbled in corporate modeling back in the mid-'80s, that was no danger that you'd be personally devastated to see those photos leaked now.

Of course, if they conjured vivid memories of the clothing items you wore from that era, the effect is the same. After scrolling through the sea of popped collars, puffy visors, L.A. Gear fonts, and monochromatic sweatshirts and pants that make then-Microsoft (MSFT) chief Bill Gates seem more fashion-savvy, you may want to phone your parents to remind them to safely lock up the old family albums.

And pummel anyone who tags you in another Facebook photo.

(See also: Apple Co-Founder Hates Siri, Too and iPhone Can't Match Android's Versatility, Says Steve Wozniak)

Twitter: @mcs212

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POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.