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Pizza Hut Unveils Cheeseburger Pizza

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GOOD. LORD.
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Several years ago when visiting Paris, I thought I’d stumbled upon a culinary freak show when I found a street vendor that sold french fry-wrapped pizzas. Little did I know what mongrel of a pizza concoction would someday be the brainchild of my own country’s quick service restaurant industry.

It wasn’t enough that Pizza Hut started putting hot dog-stuffed crust pizza, topped with a mustard drizzle, on the menu in its UK restaurants this month -- and apparently has been doing so in Thailand and Japan for years. But the YUM! Brands, Inc. (YUM) subsidiary has completely outdone itself this time. The bastard child of all things fast food has been born.

“Hail Pizza Hut’s royal masterpiece! The new Crown Crust Pizza!”


This horrifying, everything-but-the-kitchen sink pizza has a crust filled with grilled cheddar cheese burgers and topped with shredded iceberg lettuce, thick tomato and onion slices, a slathering of what looks an approximation of McDonald's (MCD) Big Mac special sauce, and a random assortment of plain ground beef balls. It’s named for its supposed likeness to a crown. A crown worn by a raging psychopath with a stomach made of steel.

Not a red meat eater? No problem. Pizza Hut also offers a version filled with chicken nuggets, green peppers, and barbecue sauce. Really, no blue cheese option?

The only bright spot in this story is that this Frankenstein creation is only available in the Middle East and, it appears, Pizza Hut has no plans to unleash the monster on our shores.

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