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Microsoft Destroys Beloved Franchise's Last Shred of Dignity

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The Special Editions couldn't do it.

The Ewoks coudn't do it.

And while he may have come close, even Jar Jar couldn't do it.

But with LucasArts' latest game for the Xbox 360 (MSFT), the beloved franchise spanning 35 years has finally been stripped of its last shred of dignity.

Employing Kinect's motion-capture controller, Kinect Star Wars allows players to use their whole body to control characters within a land far, far away. Whether it's wielding a lightsaber or piloting an X-Wing, the Xbox game is the closest Star Wars fans have to living within George Lucas' imaginative universe.

And apparently, that includes dance-offs.

Yes, along with Jedi training and podracing, players control Han Solo and Princess Leia in a dance competition that's even more absurd than basing an entire prequel around galactic trade disputes. And rather than spinning boring old hits, DJ Lobot -- yeah, Cloud City's got some turntables -- plays songs with a Star Wars twist, like "I'm Han Solo" to the tune of Jason Derulo's "Ridin' Solo" and "Hologram Girl" based on Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl." Incidentally, you haven't lived until you hear Slave Leia coo "Oooh, that's my ship, that's my ship."

Looks like LucasArts and Microsoft Studios finally produced something even more shameful than Guitar Hero (ATVI) resurrecting Kurt Cobain to croon Bon Jovi hits.

Ever since merchandising took precedence over competent storytelling, Star Wars fans have had to contend with an ever-growing corruption of the Star Wars universe. However, by the time the third prequel excreted itself onto the big screen, hope that the ailing franchise would turn itself around for the better greatly diminished. And if the thousands of half-baked parodies and poorly inked tattoos didn't do it, Star Wars Dance Party has put the nail in the coffin of a once-wondrous film universe.

And in terms of the gaming industry, it's console monstrosities like this that just push more and more gamers to iPhone (AAPL) and Android's (GOOG) mobile alternatives.

(See also: Apple's iPhone Slammed in Nokia's New Ad Campaign and AT&T Falsely 'Upgrades' iPhone 4S to 4G)

Twitter: @mcs212

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