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Hitler's Headquarters: The Next Big Theme Park?

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Hey kids, where do you want to go on vacation this year? I know, I know. Six Flags (SIX) or Universal Studios (CMCSA) or Disney World (DIS), right? But, come on, think outside the box a little. Theme parks are over-hyped, outdated, and -- worst of all -- based on fiction. All the characters you interact with at Disney World are from movies. Wouldn’t you rather meet someone from real life? And you know, if you thought Scar from The Lion King was scary, wait ‘til you get a load of history’s greatest monster.

Pack your bags, kids. We’re going to Hitler’s lair in austere northeastern Poland!

While the Wolf’s Lair, or Wolfsschanze as the Germans called it, has been open to the public for years, drawing 200,000 visitors a year, the Führer’s Eastern Front military headquarters is about to get a $2.1 million makeover to boost tourism.

According to sources from the Polish forestry office, upgrades to the bunker are designed to attract “children as much as history buffs” and for more than “just a couple of hours.”

The 618-acre site of Hitler's largest command complex, camouflaged in dense forest, is most famous for Claus von Stauffenberg’s failed assassination plot in July 1944 -- as seen with Tom Cruise’s portrayal of the German colonel in the 2008 movie Valkyrie. With the border changes following World War II, the territory and bunker fell into Polish hands.  

Specifics about the upgrades to the chilling concrete ruins that would appeal specifically to children have not yet been announced, but anything would be an improvement over the attraction’s current offerings.

“Our guests are welcome in a hotel and restaurant, placed in the former building of Hitler’s personal security headquarters -- the perfect place for visitors of nearby attractions and an excellent base for leisure seekers in Mazurian forests,” reads the tourist website. “We invite you also to our climatic restaurant located in former bunker, serving delicious regional, Mazurian cuisine.”

Should we expect an animatronic singing Führer? A Jaws hybrid shark that eats Mengele? An It’s a Small Occupation After All boat ride through a bunker’s tunnel?

Given Walt Disney’s rumored Nazi sympathies, maybe the Futurelands from both parks wouldn’t be all that different.
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