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The Muppets Are Brainwashing Our Kids, Says Fox News Division

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After all these years, it's amazing that anyone still takes this nonsensical collection of over-the-top, googly-eyed characters with absurdist catchphrases and slapstick appeal seriously. But apparently, Fox News still has its fans, and one of its network divisions is ready to demonize anything they're told threatens their lives -- in lockstep formation.

And this week, it's the Muppets.

According to Eric Bolling -- host of Follow the Money on Fox Business Network -- and conservative Media Research Center analyst Dan Gainor, Disney's latest Muppets movie is a product of "liberals trying to brainwash your kids against capitalism."

The men conclude that not since Wall-E was relegated to clean up the mess left behind by corporations, or when Captain Planet united the five elements to take down polluters, or the time Zack Morris prevented a big-time oil driller from taking up residence on Bayside's campus, has children's programming railed this hard against big business.

Citing the film's villain -- an oil baron named Tex Richman -- as evidence of a liberal agenda, Gainor said, "It's amazing how far the left will go just to manipulate your kids, to convince them, give the anti-corporate message."

Gainor continued that these Hollywood leftists and their precious, green-friendly MacBooks are creating children's programming that's designed to -- gasp! -- get kids to care about the environment. Those despicable monsters!

"This is what they're teaching our kids. You wonder why we've got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country, they've been indoctrinated, literally, for years by this kind of stuff," Gainor said. "Whether it was Captain Planet or Nickelodeon's Big Green Help, or The Day After Tomorrow, the Al Gore-influenced movie, all of that is what they're teaching, is that corporations is bad, the oil industry is bad, and ultimately what they're telling kids is what they told you in the movie The Matrix: that mankind is a virus on poor old Mother Earth."

Unfortunately, the segment ended before Gainor or Bolling could refer to Hollywood's few factual depictions of Mother Nature's intentional threat against humanity: the murderous shrubs in The Happening, the carnivorous plant in Little Shop of Horrors, and Evil Dead's rape trees.

Watch the insanity here:

Update (12/7/11 12:35PM): A Fox Business Network representative asked me to clarify that it was Fox Business Network, not Fox News, that labeled the Muppets as anti-corporate. Duly noted.

(See also: Verizon Kills Google Wallet on Its Best Android Phone and Google Engineer Calls Google+ a Complete Failure)

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