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Retailer Offers to Pay "Jersey Shore" Star to NOT Wear Its Clothes

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Cheap. Tacky. Garish. Inescapably annoying with a shelf life artificially prolonged by tasteless commercial property and legions of vapid, walking embarrassments.

And then there's the Jersey Shore.

Abercrombie and Fitch -- the store you can smell even in the food court -- is trying to distance itself from an on-air endorsement from Jersey Shore's resident mongoloid, Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino. The Wall Street Journal reports that during the company's recent earnings call, CEO Mike Jeffries interrupted talk of inventory and gross margins with "Is no one going to ask about the Situation?"

Subtle, Mike.

Jeffries was referring to last week's episode wherein The Situation prominently wore A&F gear -- to which Jeffries remarked, "We all said, 'Oh, that's terrible.' " Adding, "What are we going to do about it?"

Yes, the retailer that employs shirtless and bikini-clad models for their shopping mall locations would rather not associate with anything so tawdry and corny as the Jersey Shore. This, after having already marketed a T-shirt emblazoned with the word "Fitchuation."

(Excuse me for a moment. I need my whole body to hate this right now.)

So, Jeffries did the only thing he could do: Distance A&F from the abominable series while simultaneously associating itself with it.

In an groan-worthy company statement entitled "A Win-Win Situation," A&F offered a "substantial payment" to the Situation "to wear an alternate brand."

"We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans," the statement read.

Aspirational, yes. Like the time the company hid away a disabled employee because she violated A&F's "Look Policy." If she only aspired to have two working arms like the brand wanted her to, there wouldn't be a problem.

(See also: Disabled Employee Feels Abercrombie & Dissed and iPhone 5 Gets a Release Date, Say Sources)

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POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.