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Detroit Police Will Now Ignore Burglar Alarms

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The Detroit Free Press reported today that local law enforcement will now treat burglar alarms with the same indifference as the public treats car alarms.

And it's not because there's just nothing left to steal.

Detroit Police Chief Ralph Godbee Jr. announced that 98% of all burglar alarms that his department responds to are false. (Though he never mentioned the percentage of the alarms police don't respond to.) From here on in, any triggered alarm will require a verified response before dispatch sends a cruiser to the location.

Detroit Police Commander Todd Bettison told the Press, "We at the police department are working hard to serve the citizens; however, nowadays we have to rely more on technology to help solve our problems because we're not getting any more resources." Adding, "We've been looking at this for a long time and from what we've observed this is definitely the way to go. Verified response will take us to the next level."

But before you chart Detroit's descent toward RoboCop-levels of crime, roughly 30 other police departments have adopted similar policies since 1991. Cities such as Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Milwaukee and Madison, Wisconsin, and Fremont, California have concluded that a verified response needs to be a requirement and a whirring burglar alarm just isn't enough. Officials state that the new policy will constitute a tremendous savings of time and effort.

Besides a phone call to police, verified response can constitute video surveillance of a crime taking place or the testimony of a security guard.

In other words, completely affordable amenities to the crime-ridden tenements below 8 Mile.

(See also: Another MacBook Thief Gets Nabbed with Public Humiliation and MacBook Thief Begs for Forgiveness After His Embarrassing Video Leaks)

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