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What Must Apple Employees Never, Ever Say?

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Apple Geniuses. Depending on how often you've had to deal with them, the title is apt or the very personification of irony.

But recently, some have been speaking out, and they're apparently as disgruntled as we are when we're holding a shattered iPhone 4 before their indifferent faces. Aside from the dearth of benefits and adequate wages, Apple retail staffers are fed up with the draconian control that Steve Jobs wields.

I guess they now know how an iOS developer feels.

The Wall Street Journal spoke with a few former Apple retail staffers about the stringent rules they had to follow in order to be included in Apple's shiny flock. Among them, the A.P.P.L.E. Code of Apple:
  • Approach customers with a personalized warm welcome
  • Probe politely to understand all the customer's needs
  • Present a solution for the customer to take home today
  • Listen for and resolve any issues or concerns
  • End with a fond farewell and an invitation to return.
Or, from personal experience with dealing with Apple Geniuses: Another Pointless Platitude Lent Everyday.

But the Journal touched upon one word that employees mustn't ever, ever say. It's not "Android." It's not "Windows." It's not "Antennagate."

It's "unfortunately."

"Former Geniuses say they were told to say 'as it turns out' rather than 'unfortunately' to sound less negative when they are unable to solve a tech problem," the Journal reports.

Because nothing pleases a customer more than a positive spin when your warranty doesn't cover water damage.

(See also: Apple Staffers Planning a Revolt and Apple Employees Commit Unforgivable Crime)
POSITION:  No positions in stocks mentioned.