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Charlie Sheen iPhone App as Sad as It Sounds

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Charlie Sheen is dead. The image, not the actor.

The novelty of the tiger-blooded train wreck derailed within a week or two. Chalk it up to media saturation or just the public's rapidly decreasing attention span, but the former Two and a Half Men star was old news by the time he took the stage on his nationwide tour. Ask Joaquin Phoenix -- irrational hubris only grabs our attention for so long.

So for the fevered ego to release an iPhone and iPad app for $2.99, it doesn't get much sadder.

Dubbed "The MaSheen" and promising the "the mind of Charlie Sheen in your pocket" -- I'll pause for the exhausted sigh -- the app contains 17 short videos, a fortune teller, and Sheen quotables called "Mind Torpedos." These include such shocking, earth-shattering proclamations like, "I have a different constitution. I have a different brain, a different heart. I've got tiger blood, man."

Unfortunately, the font can't be enlarged to accommodate the irrevocable strain from the most severe eye rolls in ocular history.

Already, the reviews are pouring in, and those who would fork over three bucks for a Charlie Sheen iPhone app offer up some mixed, typo-laden reviews.

"I respect the guy, but let's be realistic..." user Marcoolop writes, giving the app only one star. "Honestly, save your money. It's not worth $2.99. There's nothing to and you van [sic] see it all in less than 5 minutes. Don't waste your time or money."
Then again, user Don Everest rewards MaSheen a full five stars and writes, "Charlie sheen [sic] is the best and always will be. He is a winner. Hilarious app." And before you doubt Everest's acumen, he notes, "This coming from a 2.5 men watcher."

No need to brag, Don.

Developer Post Empire says it will release an unrated Android app sometime in the near future.

But at that point, it's likely we'd rather hear quotes and affirmations from Emilio.

(See also: Mac Users Are More Educated Than PC Users, Survey Says and Apple Secretly Tracking iPhone, iPad Users' Location)

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