The Gods of Retail: eHarmony

By Nico Carbellano Mar 24, 2009 7:40 am
Online dating even your Sunday-school teacher could love.
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With more than 20 million users, eHarmony is the kind of online dating site even your mother would love: Relentlessly marriage-focused, wholesome as milk, and powered by a top-secret algorithm that eliminates 20% of all those who attempt to join as "undesirable."

But the founder of eHarmony, Neil Clark Warren, is an evangelical Christian - and the site was first promoted as one "based on the Christian principles of Focus on the Family author Dr. Neil Clark Warren." For the uninitiated, Focus on the Family is a hard-right faith-based organization with a disturbing (if often comical) allergy to gay men and lesbians. It's perhaps unsurprising, then, that eHarmony has a strictly-no-homosexuals policy on its flagship site.

Focus on the Family's James Dobson -- on whose radio show Warren was once a not-infrequent guest -- has said that gay marriage "will destroy the earth." To keep that from happening, Focus on the Family has devoted itself to thinking about nothing but gay sex - who's having it, and where, and in what positions - and how it might be stopped.

To that end, it brought us the truly surreal No Moo Lies campaign, which used a basset hound named Sherman to inform us that: "Dogs aren't born mooing... But are people born gay? The best research says no. Even respected scientists -- several of whom are gay -- acknowledge this."

While the idea that there might indeed be gay scientists is horrifying, one can be certain that none were employed in the development of eHarmony's patented matchmaking algorithm. In a section of its FAQ that has since been deleted, eHarmony offered the following explanation:

"eHarmony does not offer same sex matching services. We’re sorry if the placement of recent advertising led you to believe that we offer this service.

"...Based on over 35 years of clinical practice and empirical study, eHarmony has discovered what similarities and differences between men and women lead to their most successful unions. This unprecedented research into compatibility has been conducted with the goal of lowering the rate of unsuccessful marriages and divorce by providing singles with a tool for finding truly compatible matches with whom to pursue a relationship.

"With this goal in mind, eHarmony’s research has only examined heterosexual relationships."

In other words, the site refused to admit homosexuals because 1. The algorithm was based solely on heterosexual data, and therefore had no relevance to the strange twilight world of the homosexual; and 2. Since there's no such thing as gay marriage, there's no such thing as gay matching.

Warren took this argument one step further: He contended that, since same-sex marriage is illegal in most states -- and “we wouldn't want to participate in something that’s illegal” -- allowing gay people to join would make eHarmony something like the Bonnie to their Clyde.

The courts didn't buy it: In November 2008, eHarmony settled a New Jersey lawsuit brought on anti-discrimination grounds; under the terms of the settlement, eHarmony will be required to provide its matchmaking services to gay men and lesbians.

While separate but equal might not fly in the schools, it's apparently a-ok in the world of online dating: The new site, to be called "Compatible Partners," will be kept separate from the eHarmony brand.

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(16)
2009-03-24 06:35:46
Warren is filthy rich!
Neal Clark Warren may be an evangelical christian, but he's filthy rich due to the eharmony. I once asked him as a fellow christian who had fallen on hard times if I could join for free. His response: Absolutely not!

What would Jesus do?
2009-03-24 07:55:11
Nico
Nico seems to have real problems with people who have any (or at least Christian) faith and are not willing to deny their views in public. Is this hate and divisiveness really consistent with Minyanville's generally accepting and tolerant views?
2009-03-24 09:26:13
I had thought about joining eHarmony, as a 30-something who'd really like to get married at some point, but the "No homosexuals" rule stopped me cold. I am straight, yes, but I refuse to give money to an organization which clearly practices discrimination, nor will I support it now that it's been forced to go "separate but equal." We all know where that leads.
2009-03-24 09:49:03
Truth
I respect eHarmony for standing up for Christ! It is a GOD based company and it is against GOD to promote homosexual Marriage. So tell me this, as a "NON-Christian" why do you want "GODLY MATCHING"?? Tell me that? It is so irritating that you want to be treated with GODLY values, yet you are against GOD. And for the people that say you are a Christian... try asking GOD for guidance and to open your eyes to the truth. I have several homosexual friends, and yes they are great people. I pray for them to have a knowing and understanding of Christ's love and truth. As a Christian it is my duty to love everyone as Christ would, but I am also supposed to live according to His Word. Homosexuality is against GOD. eHarmony is promoting their GODLY business with GODLY standards. If it was another faith, outside from GOD, their wouldn't be any issues. "THE WORLD" will always try to take GOD out of everything, however, those that stand up for Christ will have eternal life. With that said, I go out of my way to use GODLY companies every chance I get, especially when they take a stand for Christ. Therefore, I stand!
2009-03-24 12:30:05
Warren is filthy rich!
You are completely right. They are so hypocritical. I am totally against their discrimination policy; however, if I were to have as strong beliefs as the website makers claim to have, I would die for beliefs as strong as those. In other words I would rather have my website shut down by the government than have to open a homosexual website.

It just goes on to show you how greed can be stronger than beliefs for the people behind this website.
2009-03-25 04:08:28
Missing the boat on Focus on the Family
The author's snide observations on Focus on the Family content are misplaced. The program deals with a broad spectrum of family issues with sensitivity and biblically based guidance. I listen to the show daily. The author should tune in at least once, or spend some time in its website (www.family.org) before making such smug and sophmoric comments.
2009-03-27 08:51:02
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
It never ceases to amaze me how "tolerant" liberals are - except when it comes to tolerating Christians' deeply-held beliefs. Most devout Christians, although not "homophobic," believe that practicing homosexuality is a sin. Christians believe God forgives sin, but He requires repentance (turning away from the sin) and acceptance of Jesus as the only One who saves a person from the eternal consequences (i.e. Hell) of his/her sin. So, if you don't like the faith-based tenets of E-Harmony, or any other Christian organization, then don't patronize these companies! But as the old '60's folk song said: "Don't criticize what you can't understand."
2009-03-27 08:59:37
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
Tolerance?

I'll stop practicing homosexuality when you stop practicing Christianity. I'm sure both give us life-defining joy and meaning, and boy we'd miss them if we stopped... But I will if you will.

Deal?

"Don't criticize what you can't understand," indeed.
2009-03-27 12:08:33
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
When I read your crass and personally offensive comparison of my Christian faith to your homosexual practice, as if both are "religions," I was tempted to reply in kind - and thought of numerous scathing comebacks. But fortunately I prayed first, and was reminded that Jesus was spat upon and made fun of by His detractors, even as He hung on the cross, dying for their sins, not His own. In His Word He reminded me that God blesses me "when you are mocked and persecuted and lied about because you are my followers." (Matt 5:11 NLT). So I pray earnestly that you will come to know Jesus and His unfathomable love for you, which will make the so-called "life defining meaning and joy" you find in your relationship pale in comparison. God bless you.
2009-03-27 12:12:19
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
Thanks for praying for me. I'll have some sodomy tonight and think of you.

I hope earnestly you come to know sodomy and its unfathomable love for you, too.
2009-03-27 12:18:30
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
Which I trust will make your relationship with Christ -- not much of a boyfriend, really -- pale in comparison.
2009-03-27 12:31:22
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
A response to your blasphemy is "above my pay grade." I'll leave it to the Lord to handle.
2009-03-27 15:59:52
Gods of Retail - E-Harmony
To Veejay and his ilk:

First off, how absolutely absurd to suggest liberals (i.e., Nico) don't tolerate the views of others. The very tenets of liberalism champion the autonomy of individuals and their right to political and civil freedom (that means your right to believe in a Christian god). But here's another tenet (the one I suspect you're confusing with tolerance): Your freedom ends where another's begins. In a simple analogy: you have the right to swing your fist into the air, but your freedom to do this ends when it comes in contact with someone else's face. Neil Clark Warren's right to believe in a Christian god ends where consumers' right to know what their money's spent on begins.

Second, could you be any less helpful in suggesting that people who “don't like the faith-based tenets of eHarmony, or any other Christian organization” not patronize these companies? Um, I believe that's the very point of this article, and the others in the Gods of Retail series. Consumers have the right to know which companies give their money to homosexual-bashers, misogynists, and other intolerant, ignorant factions. When eHarmony (and other Christian companies) go full-disclosure, then -- and only then -- will your suggestion have any validity.

Third, your audacity is astounding, if not expected. You, like most of your Christian brethren, make the mistake of starting from several points of assumption, none of which have any basis in fact: one, that god exists; two, that all people believe god exists; three, that people believe in a Christian god. You can't spout off the correct path to Jesus or offer to pray for F Goran, because (aside from being totally unrelated to a critique of the eHarmony article), doing so assumes the three fictions mentioned earlier are factual starting points. (And you know what they say about assuming, right V?)

In the future, note that it's generally best to stay on topic, stick to facts, and keep your personal beliefs out of critical arguments.

And I, as a non-believer, will even pray to god myself if you promise not to offer to pray for me or my enlightenment.

Full disclosure: born and raised Christian, highly educated, non-believer, not a homosexual.
2009-11-24 20:45:35
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