Who's to Blame for Your Unemployment? Your Professors!
A new approach to paying off student loans.
Got a college degree, but no job?
Do the logical thing: sue!
Trina Thompson sued Monroe College in New York for the $70,000 she spent on tuition because her new bachelor's degree in information technology hasn't landed her a job.
Forget about the downbeat economy and sour job market or even the stiff competition in you field of study, just sue your alma mater if things don't work out as planned. You're entitled – and never mind that a college degree doesn't come with a lifetime guarantee of employment, happiness or big bucks.
In a message to students, Monroe College president Stephen J. Jerome says:
Monroe College was founded in 1933 with a single goal: To prepare serious students, regardless of age or economic means, for successful careers in the world of business.
Over seventy years later, the breadth of the college's academic offerings has increased, but our philosophy remains unchanged. Wherever life takes you, whatever career you wish to pursue, at Monroe you will find reality-based preparation and academic support to help you every step of the way.
Hah – just words as far as Ms. Thompson is concerned. She alleges that the school's placement center hasn't done enough to help her find a job.
"She's angry," Thompson's mother told the New York Post. "She's very angry at her situation…This is not the way we want to live our life."
Such an attitude creates a brave new world of entitlement where no one is responsible for anything, thanks to sinister forces beyond anyone's control. It might be difficult to serve God with notice of a lawsuit, so do the next best thing and sue the schlubs around you:
Bad date? Sue the restaurant that destroyed the mood with blazing fluorescent lights and a so-so meal, the clothing manufacturer that made those disco duds and the discount store that sold 'em to you.
Lost in New Jersey? Sue the Boy Scouts for failing to teach you the four points of the compass and the Encyclopedia Britannica for neglecting to inform you that there's nothing much worth seeing in the Garden State, anyway.
Did your team lose? Sue the general manager for fielding the stiffs, the coach for not getting a better effort out of them and the stadium architect for designing the stands that gave you an unobstructed view of the slaughter.
The possibilities are endless. Think what snippy investors could do with IPOs that bomb, hedge funds that flop or mutual funds that don't beat the market.
If this story doesn't meet your expectations, consider suing Verizon (VZ), Time Warner (TWX) or the Internet Service Provider of your choice – and don't forget the computer manufacturer. Watch out, Dell (DELL), Hewlett-Packard (HPQ) and Apple (AAPL) because it's your fault, too.
Whatever happened to the view that life is sometimes a bitch or, at the very least, unfair?
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