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In Ten Years: General Motors


Automaker faces a post-bankruptcy future.


The turnaround began, as so many do, with barely a whisper.

Employees were dismissed, executives fired, manufacturing lines dismantled, a welding arm was replaced with the smaller, nimbler industrial robot designed to hold a 60- millimeter tube in place while a base plate and bipod were securely attached. The 100-year-old logo was changed, but a deep economic downturn was in place. No one noticed.

Meanwhile, old-timers -- what few were left -- watched with a mixture of shock and awe, gazing upon the retooled assembly line with a stare one normally finds in bus-station pickpockets.

No, they agreed, this was not their father's Cadillac. Then again, their father's Cadillac couldn't launch a spin-stabilized, armor-piercing thermite shell into a terrorist compound from as far away as 1100 meters. Goodbye General Motors (GM); hello General Mortars.

Simple. Spectacular. Patriotic. This is the new GM. Your GM. The world's premier manufacturer of light and heavy mortar weaponry. With manufacturing facilities in 3 locations, which cannot be revealed for security reasons, General Mortars today produces an unknown number of shell-propulsion devices that keep the sons and daughters of American working families safe, while forcing terrorists deep into the dank underground bunkers where they belong (and where the GM Buick Bunker Buster can easily do its duty).

It's true. Back in the fall of 2008, automotive industry executives went before Washington politicians, hat in hand, to beg for a bailout. Then-GM CEO Rick Wagoner, in a twisted fit of prolapsed logic, tried to play The Patriot Card. GM, he argued, was America's Company; saving it was the patriotic thing to do.

Here we are, 10 years later. While General Motors couldn't convince those with the purse strings then that it deserved a place on the public tab, General Mortars today makes the case with American forces on the frontlines of the war on terror. Shell after shell, every single day.

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