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business newsUrban Legends: Altoids as Minty Sex Aid
By
Scott Reeves Aug 02, 2009 12:15 pm
Will they make your libido curiously strong, too?
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Some believe chocolate, chili peppers, figs, garlic, honey, oysters and walnuts are aphrodisiacs.
But Altoids, the “curiously strong mints”?
The theory: Chew several Altoids before indulging your baser instincts and -- pow! -- to the moon.
If Altoids kick the bedroom Olympics up a notch, think of it as a British improvement (the mints) on an old French technique (as the doughboys sang in World War I, “Mademoiselle from Armentieres, …hinky-dinky, parlez-vous?”)
The yarn apparently began in 1997, with a breathless email explaining why Altoids beat knee pads. Bill Clinton was president at the time, and the note could have been a sly comment on his proclivities with a certain intern.
Like most such tales, the note originated with an unidentified person, and therefore can’t be checked. Better yet, there’s no claim that the technique works all the time or for everyone -- and the hyperventilating of the wicked soul who wrote the email is enough to get the reader’s little mind spinning at warp speed.
Altoids-as-a-scream-enhancer may have been one of the first – and most effective – viral marketing efforts since Al Gore invented the Internet. Mints are mints and if you want to sell ‘em by the ton, would you peg your effort to sex or baseball?
Variations on the theme include toothpaste, breath spray, and mouthwash. Good news for Crest (PG) and Colgate (CL), maybe, but not for those with sensitive skin.
So, why mints? And why not Certs (CBY)?
Maybe because mints are innocent, an indulgence learned as a child. It’s a good bet that the tall tale took off because it promised an easy and cheap path to ecstasy. If that’s waxing too sociological, remember that a sucker is born every minute.
The Altoid tale sounded plausible because there are endless claims that some foods kick the libido into gear. Hippocrates urged lovers to eat honey and Casanova, whose name became synonymous with hanky-panky, ate lots of oysters.
Honey’s fructose may increase stamina by providing a slow, steady release of energy. Honey also provides all sorts of good stuff, including vitamin B6, riboflavin, calcium, copper, magnesium, potassium and zinc. It’s touted as a love elixir in the Bible and the Karma Sutra.
So, Gentle Reader, there’s only one thing to do: Put Altoids to the test.
Some seductions belong in the Smithsonian, right up there next to the Spirit of St. Louis. Unfortunately, Altoids doesn’t appear to be one of them. And if it turns out that your nether regions are hypersensitive, consider taking time out to review the grandeur of the infield fly rule as you stare at the ceiling.
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