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VIDEOAll in the Family
By
Laurie Petersen Apr 03, 2009 8:45 am
Hitting up Dad for a loan
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People often have a high level of discomfort when asking others to give. A consultant brought in to motivate us said we’d set our goal way too low. He said people are waiting for you to ask, eager to give, and the biggest mistake you can make is to insult your donator by asking for too little.
The consultant was right. We raised our target and readily surpassed it.
I was reminded of this last weekend when I did the unthinkable (for me, anyway). I went to my father for a loan.
I invited him to breakfast at his favorite spot. It’s one of those places where he knows everyone and everyone knows him. (Think of Luke’s from Gilmore Girls.) We have all our important conversations there.
My father was braced for a classic daughter-to-father pep talk. As an award-winning athlete, still holding his high school’s record for longest kick-off return, he’s not thrilled with the inevitable onslaught of age. He’s getting arthritis in his hands. It hurts. He’s been grumpy. No fun at all for my mother.
His mood brightened visibly when I said this conversation was all about me.
“Do you need money?” he asked. “How much?”
No push-back. No resistance. Only question he asked was: “Are you sure that's enough?”
I refused to accept his conditions, which were that no payback was needed. As he put it, it’s just less I’ll get in the inheritance. Then he reminded me that I’m the executor of his will and he’ll be mad if I use a lawyer to probate it because I can do it myself. Always Mr. Practical.
I told my father I’d pay him back when I can, and he said if that makes me feel better about asking, then sure. But there are no strings or deadlines attached.
It’s the first loan I’ve asked my father for in more than 20 years. Once was to finance my first car. I paid him back $100 a month for 4 years. Second time was to help with the downpayment on my first condo when we had to come up with 20 percent at the very last minute. (Everything old is new again!)
With our transaction out of the way, my father regaled me with his latest sport. He's keeping track of how much everybody in the neighborhood has lost in the stock market. He’s strictly a fixed investment kind of a guy. So these days, he’s feeling on top of the world.
For me, it’s like a pressure valve has been released.
I’m glad I asked.
What's your experience borrowing money from or lending money to family members? Weigh in on The Exchange.
No positions in stocks mentioned.
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