Oh, Mother!: 'Tis the Season

I’m no Scrooge. I just crave a simple Christmas this year -- one focused on food, song and the true meaning of the season -- to connect with friends and family.

Today may be Halloween,  but the big item on my to-do list for the weekend is to have the “talk” with my mother about Christmas. My sister’s losing her job. My budget’s tight. Let’s cut the material crap.

My family isn't big. You can count on 2 hands the number of us who convene for the holiday. In fact, our extended family isn't very large either. But what I wouldn’t give for that tradition where you pick names from a hat and everybody gets 1special gift.

That’s not us.

My mother lives for Christmas. She budgets for it. She still uses an old-fashioned, purpose-driven bank account called a Christmas Club. She puts money in it every week, gets a check right around this time of year, then divides it equally by the number of children and grandchildren she’s giving to. No more. No less.

Growing up in a home like this meant lots and lots and lots of presents. The year I remember most vividly is the one when I was about 7. I got up before everyone, went downstairs and broke the arm of the new record player I’d received by lifting it too far off its spindle.

From that year on, we opened gifts after church on Christmas Eve.

When I grew up and left the house, I fell into a bad habit of overdoing Christmas. My mother had conditioned me well. But I didn’t have the disposable income or the discipline to do it without credit cards.

For years I used the money I received from my parents as a Christmas gift to pay off the charges on presents I bought for other people. Ho. Ho. Ho.

When I became a parent, I didn’t want my daughter to develop the same habit, or believe it's what the season is all about.  I got bolder as I got older. I even managed to get my mother to reduce the amount of stuff she gives my daughter after we came home 1 year loaded down with every single item she had circled in the American Girl catalog.

The way my mother's system works is this: What isn’t given in physical merchandise gets doled out in a check for the “balance” of the annual distribution. I conferred with my daughter and used last year’s check to help pay that month’s school tuition. I intend to do the same this year.

Still, I know my mother will insist on giving me some gifts I don't use - gloves too thin to keep hands warm, mirrored lipstick holders and tops in styles I'd never, ever wear. Half of my gate-sale merchandise is usually the stuff I’ve received from her that just isn't me.

My daughter and I will do some kind of good deed for the season. She will sing as she usually does in a local nursing home. I think I’ve done a good job instilling something different, but then there’s grandma’s looming influence.

Here's what my colleague Scott Reeves recommends on the subject of relatives and gifts.

How will you be celebrating your holiday season this year? Do you have a gift-giving grandma in your life? Weigh in on The Exchange.

Get your kids started on the path to financial literacy in MinyanLand.com