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Five Things You Need to Know: Bulls Emboldened by Absence of Total Disaster

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These coming tough years, these hard, difficult times, will ensure that we see an awkward parade of limping Gout sufferers monopolizing cocktail party chatter with their swollen boasts... and joints.

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Kevin Depew's Five Things You Need to Know to stay ahead of the pack on Wall Street:

1. Bulls Emboldened by Absence of Total Disaster
2. Protecting the Integrity of the Bailout
3. And Ye Will Know Them by Their Painful Limp
4. Maybe They Don't Do It for the Money?
5. Debt Repudiation

Bulls Emboldened by Absence of Total Disaster...

"Do you understand, gentlemen, that all the horror is in just this: that there is no horror!"
- Aleksandr Kuprin

That's a powerful statement to have to bite off and chew on a Monday morning, or any morning for that matter. But that is the point we have reached when a 300 point down day for the Dow Jones Industrial Average is viewed less as a horror show than as a roaring king size victory.

Admittedly, it may be unorthodox to turn to Russian literature at a time like this, but the Russian temperament is well-suited to the seamless management of economic disasters, as evidence by the fact that whenever the going gets tough in Russia, the Russians simply shut down their stock market. But markets are like roaches; even when you think you've successfully stamped one out you can bet the species itself will survive and prosper.

Protecting the Integrity of the Bailout . . .

To wit: General Motors (GM). According to Bloomberg, GM has asked the Treasury Department for financial aid to help complete a merger with Chrysler. Naturally, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson is intent on keeping the roach infestation that is GM from tarnishing the $700 billion bank bailout fund.

"Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson would prefer any funding come from the $25 billion in low-interest loans approved last month for the auto industry to build more-efficient vehicles,
not the $700 billion banking-system rescue, said the people, who asked not to be identified because the talks are private."

Makes sense. That way the integrity of the bank bailout can remain intact at the expense of the $25 billion rescue package approved to help the auto industry build more fuel-efficient cars and trucks.

And Ye Will Know Them by Their Painful Limp...

These are grim days for the rich. Financial markets are collapsing on a daily basis. Ordinary people are hoarding canned goods and bottled water. Good help is increasingly difficult to retain. And Savient Pharmaceuticals (SVNT) the developer of a treatment for The Gout, also known as "The Disease of Kings," plunged more than 70% after reporting heart-related "adverse events'" in clinical trials.

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No positions in stocks mentioned.

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