Stress Test: Six Flags

For theme parks, the recession has been akin to the steep drop of a roller coaster: Underwear-soiling scary.

New York-based Six Flags (SIX) has responded with a flurry of hasty promotions and yet another commercial that promises to you haunt your dreams (the one where the Asian man screams, at the top of his disembodied lungs, about the relationship of flags to fun).

But will these efforts be enough to keep the competition -- and there's a lot of it -- at bay? We ordered a Minyanville Stress Test to find out.

Notable Rides	Seasonal Attractions	Marketing Initiatives	Accidents	Edutainment
Six Flags: At 456-feet high and 128 miles per hour, Kingda Ka is the world's tallest, fastest roller coaster. It’s also soaked in more terrified urine than any other ride in history.	Six Flags: During Fright Fest, failed actors in heavy gore makeup try to scare the bejesus out of your child.	Six Flags: The bald octogenarian rocking out to the Vengaboys is as annoying as it is unforgettable.	Six Flags: If it's listed in Gray's Anatomy, it's been severed, punctured or incinerated.	Six Flags: Visitors learn first-hand the different side effects wrought by positive and negative G-forces.
Hard Rock Park: Life in the Fast Lane's steep drops attract thrill- seekers, while the Eagles’ caustic guitar riffs draw in introverted wallflowers.	SeaWorld: Despite entreaties, staff refuse to allow private access during dolphin- mating season.	Universal Studios: The theme park’s low-rent Spider-Man, an unofficial ambassador, wouldn’t even be convincing at a children’s birthday party.	Hersheypark: Barely any, although there have been rumors of a German boy falling into the chocolate river never to be heard from again.	Epcot: Admittedly heavy on the "edu," it scores a bit low on the "tainment."
Edge: Hard Rock Park	Edge: Six Flags	Edge: Six flags	Edge: Hersheypark	Edge: Epcot