Business Makeover Special Edition: AIG
New snafus, same great advice.
The original $85 billion bridge loan will be reduced to $60 billion and its interest rate cut by 5.5%. The Treasury is also purchasing $40 billion in AIG's preferred stock, as well as $52.5 billion of the company's mortgage securities.
The bailout's new grand total? $152.5 billion - and counting. It's the financial equivalent of using a defibrillator on Ulysses S. Grant's corpse.
AIG Chief Executive Edward Liddy said the new deal will represent "a durable capital structure" and provides a strong signal that the company is on the road to recovery.
Because we can't in good conscience condone an "if at first you don't succeed, use taxpayer money to try again" approach, Minyanville offers up the following sage advise for both AIG and the Treasury.
|In a letter, Senator Charles Grassley called on CEO Edward Liddy to release records on how AIG used its federal loan. To avoid the appearance of evidence tampering, Liddy would be well served to change his last name to something less incriminating.|
|The public was livid upon learning of the company's lavish spa junket, taken mere days after the bailout. To curry favor with the masses, instruct executives to administer seaweed wraps and massages to those most incensed.|
|Some at AIG contend that bankruptcy would have offered greater protection than the government bailout. It's not too late to sell off your utilities and railroads and pray you land on Free Parking.
|The accuracy of AIG's computer models are being called into question. Going forward, use the tried and true method: A monkey and some darts.|
|An extravagant hunting trip directly following the second government loan had a lot of people scratching their heads. It might make sense to keep those hunting rifles in the office should the need for fortification arise.|
|Make up your mind: Are you American or international? Can't be both.|
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