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Minyan Mailbag: Today's To-Do List

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...at some point currency is so devalued that it can't even buy anything anymore.

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The following is meant to be funny, and I did laugh out loud, but it has a very dark meaning. If you are a little fuzzy on macroeconomics, this tells the whole story. But just try to imagine the end game for it is the same in every hyper-inflationary bust: at some point currency is so devalued that it can't even buy anything anymore. This is when abnormal deflation kicks in:


The only rational thing to do here is buy everything that isn't nailed down. Buy oil. Buy gold. Buy wheat, corn and beans. Buy copper lead and tin. Buy the whole damn commodity index. Buy it until your head caves in. Buy EUR, CAD, AUD, and NZD, and finance it by selling the Bolivar... er... I mean the Dollar. Buy General Electric (GE), Microsoft (MSFT), Pfizer (PFE) ExxonMobil (XOM) and Cisco (CSCO). Buy the SPX. Buy the NDX. Buy the S15HOME. Sell puts on homebuilders and use the proceeds to buy a house. Buy Potash (POT). Buy Agrium (AGU). Buy several 50 pound bags of fertilizer and keep them in your basement. Buy 100 propane bottles at Home Depot (HD). Buy Home Depot, home equity loans are back in style. Buy a ball peen hammer. Buy an air compressor. Buy a cheese grater. Buy a German Shepherd. Buy a racehorse named "Currency Debasement".

Buy one of those things you shake up and it snows inside. Buy one of those things you push and you make the lines on a baseball field. Buy a baseball team. Buy the Washington Nationals and rename them the "Dirtnaps". Buy Madonna's Ray of Light". We are living in a nominal world and I am a Material Girl. Buy a website, a banking license and start selling mortgages. Buy a dancing alien in a bikini. Buy scrap metal. Buy manhole covers. Buy subway turnstiles. Buy my class ring and smelt it. Buy a Gillette Fusion and 20 years' supply of razor blades. Buy a gravel truck. Buy all the Villiage People costumes. Buy the Barry Bonds 756 ball, brand it with an asterisk and send it out into space. Buy several copies of "Atlas Shrugged" and send them to the House and Senate Finance Committees. Buy farmland. Buy dirt. Buy every last element in the Periodic Table. Buy a particle accelerator. Buy the Chunnel. Buy Lichtenstein. Buy a commercial fishing permit and exploit one of God's creations. Buy a Lenny's sandwich shop. Buy a spool of networking cable. Buy me something nice for Christmas.

Buy all of these things, because soon the price is going higher. Buy whatever you want, just make sure you spend all your money and go deep into debt, taking out a mortgage, a home equity loan, a leveraged loan, an investment grade bond, a high yield bond, Reg. T Margin, or credit card debt. It's the American way, man, get with the gosh darn program!

Minyan Dan
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