Minyanville's Business Briefs Exposed: World Bank, Skybus Airlines, Wal-Mart
Business Briefs from a uniquely Minyanville perspective...
Relax, it's only money. Here in the 'Ville we like to keep things smart, but we also love to laugh. All work and no play...you know how it goes. With that in mind we give you The "Off-Balance Sheet," a place where Minyans can experience humorous takes on the world of finance, personal stories from our Professors and Minyans and all the other stuff that makes life worth living. So take a break from the flickering ticks and dive in.
Goodbye To Romance
World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz is under fire for arranging a generous compensation package for a bank employee with whom he has been romantically linked. Wolfowitz has vigorously denied the charges, calling them "absurd" and insisting there was never any romance whatsoever, just straight sex and roleplay, including some light bondage and tickling.
Taking it in the Seat
A new low-fare carrier, Skybus Airlines, will be offering a limited number of seats for ten dollars on each of its flights. Sources say the ten dollar seats will closely resemble the "Judas Chair" used to torture prisoners during the Spanish Inquisition. But, in a nod to modernity, Skybus will be replacing the traditional iron spikes with ones made of a lightweight titanium alloy.
It's a Big Hoax, Right?
International business consultant Lord Monckton, a former advisor to Margaret Thatcher, will face former VP Al Gore in a debate over whether global warming actually exists. Monckton, who does not believe in global warming, will be joined on the podium by his imaginary friends Albert and Suresh, as well as real-time commentary on the proceedings by one of the voices that speaks to him from a planet in the Andromeda Galaxy.
Existing-home sales took the biggest tumble in 18 years last month. The National Association of Realtors said existing home sales fell 8.4%, the sharpest drop since a 12.6% decline in 1989. Economists and realtors blamed the sales decline on poor weather conditions across the country, if by "weather conditions" one means partly bankrupt skies with a 60% chance of overdrafts and highs in the upper 1920s.
Jesum Crow, That's Some Fine Medicatin'!
Wal-Mart (WMT), the world's largest retailer, plans to open health clinics in as many as 400 U.S. stores in the next three years. The number of Wal-Mart health clinics could reach as high as 2,000 within five to seven years. The company, whose motto is "always low prices," said the health clinics will cater to cost sensitive shoppers hoping to save a few bucks on doctorin', salves, and potions and such.
Masters of the Obvious!
Companies wanting to manage market expectations and boost their share prices should release good earnings news as soon as possible, but keep bad news under wraps until the last possible minute, according to a new study. The study, conducted by scientists in the Answer is Right Under Your Frigging Nose Department at the University of Totally Obvious Studies found that good news helps stock prices, while bad news hurts stock prices.
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