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Minyanville's Business Briefs Exposed: McDonald's, DaimlerChrysler, Disney, Deutsche Bank


Business Briefs from a uniquely Minyanville perspective.


Relax, it's only money. Here in the 'Ville we like to keep things smart, but we also love to laugh. All work and no know how it goes. With that in mind we give you The "Off-Balance Sheet," a place where Minyans can experience humorous takes on the world of finance, personal stories from our Professors and Minyans and all the other stuff that makes life worth living. So take a break from the flickering ticks and dive in.

Want, Need and Desire Flew Off the Handle, Though...

Yesterday's Wall Street Journal reports that corporate rents continued to rise even as demand slowed, in an article entitled, "Office Rents Increase As Demand Stays Cool." Demand, who has had trouble staying cool in the past, said, "I don't get all hyped up anymore over the little stuff. It's too stressful. These days, I just chill."

Keen on Green

The Discovery Channel, a unit of Discovery Communications, plans to start a 24-hour channel focused on the green movement. "A few years ago, it was the maroon movement that everyone was into. Then it was the puce movement, followed by the ecru movement. The green movement is big-no way are we going to miss this opportunity," a Discovery spokesperson said.

Feeling Kinda...Bloated

Major gas-producing nations will meet next week to discuss ways of gaining greater control over markets and increasing political clout. The nations currently producing the most gas are Mexico, where black bean consumption is at an all-time high; Canada, which has a large number of cauliflower farms; and Ireland, whose citizens hold potatoes responsible for their gas production.

Yuan a Piece of Me?!?

China's main trade union has accused McDonald's Corp. (MCD) and Yum Brands Inc. (YUM) of underpaying part-time workers in the city of Guangzhou-an average wage of 52 cents an hour. When asked to comment, a McDonald's spokeswoman said, "I don't know what the problem is. As soon as the Bush administration successfully forces China to revalue the yuan they'll be getting paid three times what we pay our U.S. employees."

Is That a Ferret on Your Lip, Dr. Z?

DaimlerChrysler (DCX) CEO Dieter Zetsche outlined the priorities that will guide the company in deciding what to do with its U.S. division. Among them were: sustainable profitability, the best possible options for employees, and a corporate culture that not only accepts thick, outsized mustaches, but actually encourages them.

He's Crrrrazy About the Guy!

United Artists, the Hollywood studio being run by Tom Cruise, has recruited Dennis Rice, a former Disney (DIS) executive, to be its president of marketing and publicity. Cruise, in announcing the hire, hopped up on a sofa and jumped up and down while screaming, "I'm in love with Dennis Rice's work! I'm in love with the fact that he accepted the job!" before being hustled off by bodyguards.


Deutsche Bank (DB) has poached former Goldman Sachs (GS) investment banker Bruce Evans, who will be joining the company as Managing Director of the M&A Group. Deutsche Bank, which had been considering scrambling, hard-boiling, or frying Evans, decided poaching would be best for everyone involved.

What a Turn-Off

In just a month, NYC gave away five million new subway-themed condoms, officials said. The popular subway themed condoms were designed to be filthy, hard to squeeze into, and provide an overall unpleasant experience.

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