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Long Live the King


A Minyanville tribute to Elvis Presley, who died 30 years ago today.


Love him or loathe him, this is why Elvis Presley is a god.

In 1968, The King recorded a song called "A Little Less Conversation" for his film "Live A Little, Love A Little." Elvis sings the song to a character named Ellen (played by actress Celeste Yarnall) whom he then kisses and says, "You don't taste bad for a Sagittarius."

Even from the great beyond, Elvis is still one of the world's top-grossing performers. Last year, Graceland took in $27 million in revenue, and the overall Elvis business brings in more than $40 million a year. Graceland receives over 600,000 visitors each year-second only to The White House.

The most rabid of Elvis aficionados (the most rabid of whom may be "Joni Mabe the Elvis Babe," curator of the Panoramic Encyclopedia of Everything Elvis museum in Cornelia, Georgia, who owns-and displays-a wart removed from Elvis's right wrist in 1958) can even recite (or renew) their vows in the presence of the spirit Elvis at the quaint "Chapel in the Woods," behind Graceland's main house:

The Chapel in the Woods
If you do decide to wed at the Chapel, be forewarned that the powers that be will not tolerate any chicanery or monkey business during the sacred ceremony.

From the Graceland website:

DRESS CODE: In order to maintain the sanctity of the Graceland wedding chapel and to respect the memory of Elvis Presley, Graceland must request that all attire reflect the dignity of the wedding day. If you have any doubts about what you plan to wear, please discuss your options with your Graceland Wedding Planner. Your understanding in this matter is greatly appreciated.

In other words, leave your Elvis rubber duckie (manufactured by CelebriDucks of San Rafael, CA) at home.
And brides: do not wear your one piece stretch bodysuit with glitter and rhinestone trim, detailed back and chest appliqués with matching hip belt, available at for only $59.99.

Elvis expert James Warner lists some of Elvis' other favorite foods as:

  • Wrigley's Juicy Fruit gum (WWY)
  • Pepsi (PEP)
  • Interstate Bakeries Corporation's Wonder Bread (IBCIQ)
  • Monogram Brands' King Cotton bacon
  • Yogurt (assorted flavors)
  • Honeydew melons
  • Mountain Valley spring water
  • Nestlé Perrier (NSRGY)
  • British American Tobacco's (BATS) Tareyton cigarettes

The man absolutely loved to eat. In The Life and Cuisine of Elvis Presley, David Adler tells the story of Elvis and the Fool's Gold Loaf, a specialty of a now-defunct restaurant called the Colorado Mine Company in Glendale, Colorado (Note: according to Lee Architects of Denver, the Colorado Mine Company won several awards including the National Wood Products Association Award of the Year.)

The Fool's Gold Loaf is a hollowed-out loaf of bread stuffed with an entire jar of Skippy peanut butter (UL), an entire jar of Smucker's grape jelly (SJM), and an entire pound of bacon (PB, CME).

On the night of February 1, 1976, Elvis decided he wanted a Fool's Gold Loaf, and was driven to the Memphis airport where his plane, a Convair 880 called the Lisa Marie, was waiting.

Yes, I think we're all in agreement that it's imperative to respect the memory of the man who was not only a direct descendant of Abraham Lincoln's great-great grandfather, Isaiah Harrison, but was a distant cousin of Jimmy Carter and died on the toilet while under the influence of 14 different drugs:
At the moment of his passing, like many of us, Elvis had been reading on the can. Unlike many of us, he was reading "A Scientific Search for the Face of Jesus" by Frank O. Adams.

Arriving in Denver at 1:40 AM, the owner of the Colorado Mine Company, Buck Scott, and his wife Cindy greeted Elvis with 22 fresh Fool's Gold Loaves, at $49.99 each.

Calorie count: 42,000.

n honor of Elvis and his eating habits, Hershey's (HSY) has released a limited-edition product paying homage to the fried peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches The King also loved so dearly:
And now, the question that continues to vex so many Elvis-watchers:

Is Elvis alive?

The Israeli Elvis, Gilles Elmalih? IMPOSTOR!
The Black Elvis, Bibby Simmons? IMPOSTOR!
The Female Elvis, Janis Martin? IMPOSTOR!
I have uncovered confidential information that, halfway across the world, Elvis Presley is alive and well:

Sources tell me he's relaxing quietly at home, shooting a bunch of televisions, and eating fried peanut butter-and-kim chee sandwiches.

Long Live The King.

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