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Quick Hits: SEC Blames Porn for Ponzi

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Brief scrutiny of today's headlines.

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The Securities and Exchange Commission takes seriously its mission of "protecting investors and maintaining fair, orderly, and efficient markets."

Except when SEC officials are distracted by gigabyte upon gigabyte of tantalizing hardcore porn.

The SEC's inspector general released a scathing report last month accusing numerous employees of accessing porn on company time, according to Propublica. One horny accountant-type guy "used his SEC laptop computer to attempt to access Internet websites classified as containing pornography, resulting in hundreds of access denials."

Another "flagrantly used Commission resources, including Commission Internet access, email, telephones and printers in support of his private photography business for several years."

The SEC has taken heat recently for its failure to nab Bernie Madoff before his $50 billion scam collapsed, sending shockwaves through an already brittle economy. But who has time to unravel Ponzi schemes when the hottest girl-on-girl action is just one click away?

Angry? We all are. But don't worry - the SEC has taken a firm, unrelenting and punitive response to the shenanigans.

Deputy Director for Public Affairs John Heine had this to say: "In each of these [cases], there is some sort of response from the Commission."

Some sort of response?

Here's our guess: A high-5 followed by a fist-pump and a fraternal slap on the ass - watchdog to watchdog.
No positions in stocks mentioned.

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