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Op-Ed: It's Raining Money - Worthless, Worthless Money

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Here's how to catch some falling paper.

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Editor's Note: Matthew Beller acquired his knowledge of monetary theory as an employee of the Federal Reserve, specifically while sitting in Chairman Greenspan's personal Board chair. He is a contributor to the Ludwig Von Mises Institute and currently works for a private investment firm in Los Angeles.


Got a handful of stacks
Yeah I'm in this b*tch with the terror
Better grab an umbrella
I make it rain (I make it rain)
"Make It Rain," Fat Joe featuring Lil' Wayne

Those left with lighter wallets due to Lehman Brothers' (LEH) bankruptcy may be scratching their heads and wondering why Helicopter Ben's helicopters were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps it's due to the recent run up in gas prices, or it might be an attempt to reduce his carbon footprint, but it's evident that Ben Bernanke grounded his money-dropping helicopters in favor of an alternative means of money distribution more in touch with today's youth.

If I may suggest a more appropriate set of nicknames for the 2: We are, for the time being, in the era of Hank "Make It Rain" Paulson, featuring "Big Ben. "


Some are still claiming that the money supply is skyrocketing -- that "helicopter money" is falling everywhere -- but that's not what's occurring."Helicopter money" suggests a public spectacle where anyone and everyone has access to the falling money, regardless of his or her race, creed or color.

Instead, what we're seeing for the most part is Paulson and Bernanke "makin' it rain," which, as this music video reflects, is a selective, targeted act that usually happens in a dark room behind closed doors, where the donors receive "full transparency" and are able to see the recipients' bare assets, their veils of Level III classification having been ceremoniously removed.

Last week, we witnessed Paulson prove that no one has more "handfuls of stacks" than the US government by conjuring up a Category 5 hurricane for the nationalization of Fannie Mae (FNM) and Freddie Mac (FRE).

But just as real weather patterns are capricious and unpredictable, so too are Paulson's and Bernanke's bailout schemes.Fast forward one week to Lehman Brothers: The official weather pronouncement was that there wouldn't be a drop of rain, despite what many perceived as a thick cloud cover. Then, 2 days later, the rain began again over at AIG (AIG).

With the demise of Enron's highly-imaginative weather derivatives desk, there's unfortunately no longer a straightforward way to hedge the uncertainty of future precipitation out of one's portfolio, but there are ways to position oneself under future showers.

Yes, picking up dollar bills off of the floor may be demeaning and beneath us in usual circumstances, but for those of you who might be a little behind on rent and are willing to swallow your pride to keep a roof over your head, this article will provide some helpful tips on getting into the storied back room so that you can snatch up some of that falling money.
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No positions in stocks mentioned.

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