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GM Classifieds: Used Saturn for Sale


Will company avoid bankruptcy by selling division?


After spending most of yesterday scratching my head until it bled (again), then overshooting my goal of getting up early by meeting my goal with the wildly bad ironic twist of not sleeping at all last night, it's safe to say that I failed my personal stress test before today even started.

Those who survived yesterday's bizzaro-market are getting more abuse today. Take it from a guy who was up early enough to watch all of Squawk Box, today's been as strange and difficult as yesterday, and as I'm typing, it's not even 11:30 a.m. yet. I've seen Saks (SKS) beat hugely and rip a quarter higher. No, I didn't see Saks coming; raise your hand if you bought the March 20 lows and held through, or bought like mad on Friday's $3.30 close. Everyone with their hand up must leave my column on a "lying violation." Literally, everything else is fair game - just don't lie.

Here's other news I found deeply strange in a week which is on pace to be the strangest in the history of trading:

  • General Motors' (GM) CEO Fred Henderson was on Squawk Box to claim that his company didn't need bankruptcy, and loved President's sped-up plan for average MPG getting to 35 miles. What he was saying was stunning in both its implausibility and delivery - and so seemingly heartfelt that I found myself grinning at his excellence in the spinning arts. This is a company with an equity value of exactly nothing. Dennis Kneale's over/under on the countdown to zero would be exactly 2 weeks from today: June 2. GM top dogs sold 200,000 shares at a 1.50 a week ago. The company is openly trying to sell its Saturn division, which is the only real hope it has to meet the new mileage goals.

    Naturally, GM is higher this week by $0.13. Why are folks buying this? My best guess is Bill Clinton nostalgia. Fred simply has to be a distant, Germanic, cousin of some sort to the former President.

  • I hate to say it about a corporate homey from Minnesota, but Medtronic (MDT) should be at least 15% lower after today's announcement.

    To see why, click the graph below:

    Click to enlarge

  • I found my Apple (AAPL) iPhone last night and reacted with a fleeting sense of triumph followed by a sense of dread that lingers to this minute... which is now noon-ish, making this column yet another insanely unusual event. I could win a Pulitzer for the new feature on Medtronic's chart and this column would remain my personally worst time/reward proposition since the 80's, when I stopped crock-potting beef stew.

  • And yet I couldn't finish it until the start of President Obama's remarks. I need to focus on this 100% to gauge the balderdashery of his remarks. Oh, man, Fredrick Clinton Henderson is there! Near California Governor, 7-time Mr. Olympia, master thespian and other things less discussed, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
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No positions in stocks mentioned.

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