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The Bottom Line


Cut to the chase, my brother; speak on it!


The Minyanville take on news, commentary and opinion from around the world:

Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.

According to Louis Galambos, writing in the Wall Street Journal, the U.S. is the world's most successful economy ever! And any liberal/left-wing radical who indicts the "consumer culture" is clearly being absurd since it amounts to an indictment of capitalism itself! And if it is an indictment of capitalism itself, then isn't this an indictment of our entire American Society? Well Galambos, for one, is most certainly not going to sit by and listen to you badmouth the United States of America!

  • Bottom Line: Finally, Animal House generation grows up, writes editorials, and (oops!) unwittingly plagiarizes Animal House movie script? Congratulations, Galambos, you're on double secret probation!

Eric "Otter Stratton: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.
[winks at Dean Wormer]
But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

Eric "Otter" Stratton

Quick, get me as much of that juice as you can.

Today former Enron finance chief Andrew Fastow testified he ran financial partnerships designed to help the company mask hundreds of millions of dollars in losses, the New York times reported. ''We were doing this to inflate our earnings, and I don't think we wanted to show people what we were doing,'' Fastow said. Fastow said he told Skilling they would need to raise more money to continue making similar transactions, the Times reported. ''He said, `Get me as much of that juice as you can,''' Fastow recalled.

  • Bottom Line: Prosecution produces "Silver Bullet" for Skilling and Lay. The "Silver Bullet" launches instant Wall Street slang word of the week: Juice.

The Silver Bullet

Apple Turnover

Wired Magazine's Eliot Van Buskirk says last week's Apple product show was noteworthy only for what Apple didn't say. "The lack of a new iPod means Apple believes it has added every feature it can, without threatening the device's ease of use and reliability."

  • Bottom Line: Not so fast, Van Buskirk! Don't count Jobs out yet. Below are some products rumored to be in the Apple pipeline, according to Minyanville sources:

    - Apple iLightreel - Automatically stores good deeds, unselfish acts to playback later for sceptical friends/spouse.
    - Apple iMus - Plays gravel-filled, deep-voiced observational humor and scarastic celebrity insults 6 - 10 a.m. each morning during "drive time."
    - Apple iDo - Personal marital assistant plays marriage vows over and over and over again as needed.

With Sweeps Week Over, War Goes Into Reruns

"The Iranian regime needs to know that if it stays on its present course the international community is prepared to impose meaningful consequences," Vice President Dick Cheney said on Tuesday, according to Reuters. "For our part, the United States is keeping all options on the table... We will not allow Iran to have a nuclear weapon," Cheney said.

  • Bottom Line: From the March 2002 "War" episode:
    - "We've got all our options on the table because we want to make it very clear to nations that you will not threaten the United States or use weapons," said Bush. - March 14, 2002

Yada, Yada, Yadavaran...

The Yadavaran oil field in Southern Iran has crude oil reserves estimated at three billion barrels, according to Radio Free Europe. "The Yadavaran project could add up to 300,000 barrels of crude per day to China's oil supplies -- a source Beijing is unlikely to ignore given its need for hydrocarbon energy."

  • Bottom Line: The teams have been chosen. Are we shirts or skins?

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No positions in stocks mentioned.

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