Breakfast with Brodsky
Normally, I would go on my usually rant about how the media blows everything out of proportion (true) and how if we stayed glued to our TV's and listened to the "Mad Cow experts" we would hear about how we are all doomed!
Well not to worry, I hear Howard Dean is saying that by containing the case and capturing the infected cow, America is in fact NO safer than it was yesterday. The Democrats are taking immediate action but before doing anything rash, like isolating the cow, or killing it, they want to have a committee to discuss what to do and word is they are calling for the UN to come in and to secure the area. They told the Germans and the French not to worry, they WILL be included in the bidding of contracts to clean up this Mad Cow mess.
While the Democrats certainly don't want to offend any cows by killing the infected one, and while they are currently tangled up in "pointing the finger" committees, I heard that Bush just got word of the problem and is taking care of it right now. No committees, no meetings, the Mad Cow is a threat to national security and Bush has ordered that it be hunted down and killed. Of course the French and Germans are upset because Bush didn't bother to get the blessing of the UN who wanted to send in Hans Blix's team to find hard proof of this so-called Mad Cow.
Not wanting to upset the world again, Bush has agreed to send in The UN Mad Cow team. The team lead by Blix, is currently testing the area but after 10 hours of being "mislead" by the Mad Cow ranchers they have concluded that Mad Cow does NOT exist in said area and everything is ok.
Shortly, after receiving this report Bush and Rumsfeld have ordered all US diplomats out of the area and have issued a warning that time has expired, and action must be taken.
Now the Democrats are currently flip-flopping about whether they back the removal of Mad Cow, which is clearly a threat, or maybe oppose it.
"After all, it is only one cow that has it now," said Howard Dean, "how do we know that it will spread. If I was President, I would wait to see if it spreads, then we would know that it is a threat and we can take action!"
A reporter then posed the question to Dean, "Gov. Dean, won't it be too late then?" Dean, rolling up his sleeves and turning beet red with anger, turned to the reporter and exclaimed, "It's all Bush's fault! I may have no specific solutions but whatever the problem is, the answer is removing Bush!"
Well, as I am penning this story, I just saw a breaking news piece fly across CNN saying that after dropping a Moab bomb the cow has been killed and we are now in the process of rebuilding the ranch. Contracts have been given to Halliburton exclusively for rebuilding the destroyed barn and replanting the grazing fields that have been fried by the Moab. CNN has blamed the case of Mad Cow on the Israelis and is lining up experts to talk about how more diplomatic measures should have been taken.
It is reported that Edward Kennedy, wiping the eggnog from his chin, muttered, "The innocent Americans have been led to these means by a fraud, this is all a fraud!" That was all that could be extracted from the senior Mass senator, because shortly after he fell into a deep eggnog induced sleep.
Well I don't know about you but I feel better that this situation has been taken care of and I am looking forward to the holiday. I will be bringing you more updates on this situation throughout the day. Have a happy and safe holiday!
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