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Minyanville Guide To Retirement Planning


Just doing our part to help!


Planning for retirement is one of those goals that many people never seem to find time to do, but it is critical to develop a solid, well-formulated gameplan for reaching your retirement goals. Minyanville is on your side. Here are some retirement-planning tips designed to help you retire on your own terms:

  • A good rule of thumb is to allocate your retirement investments between stocks and bonds according to your age. Another good rule of thumb is to somehow get a whole lot of money just before you retire.

  • Diversification is the key to any sound retirement plan. Make sure you gamble with your retirement savings in both Las Vegas and Atlantic City.

  • When it comes to saving for retirement, some people say "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." But if all you are saving are eggs, well... good luck with that.

  • Have you considered a Rothschild IRA? The 2000 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac is a safe bet with a maturity range of 2011 to 2050, rated 99 points.

  • Estate planning can be tricky and involve many unexpected expenses. To save your heirs from unexpectedly high burial costs when you die, start building a giant pyramid now in which to store your jewel-encrusted sarcophagus. Fill the pyramid's chambers with any extra gold and treasures.

  • When choosing a financial adviser, watch for red flags. If your financial adviser refers to you as a "mark," and your financial plan as a "grift," it could be a red flag. Get a second opinion.

  • Due to increases in life expectancy, the biggest problem facing us in retirement is outliving our money. Make your money last longer by driving really, really slowly to the mall.

  • Did you know that a single Styrofoam cup of coffee a day would in 40 years turn into the equivalent of $381,437 in the stock market? Clearly, this shows that the best retirement plan is to horde Styrofoam cups.

  • Some people are concerned that social security will run out by the time they retire. In order to increase the odds that you will receive social security payments, assume various identities with unique social security numbers.

  • If your retirement savings consists of a wad of bills stuffed inside a rusty coffee can buried in a public park somewhere, don't be like a lot of people and forget to write down where you buried it. Also, make sure your name is clearly written on the can in permanent ink in case another investor accidentally digs up the wrong can.
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The information on this website solely reflects the analysis of or opinion about the performance of securities and financial markets by the writers whose articles appear on the site. The views expressed by the writers are not necessarily the views of Minyanville Media, Inc. or members of its management. Nothing contained on the website is intended to constitute a recommendation or advice addressed to an individual investor or category of investors to purchase, sell or hold any security, or to take any action with respect to the prospective movement of the securities markets or to solicit the purchase or sale of any security. Any investment decisions must be made by the reader either individually or in consultation with his or her investment professional. Minyanville writers and staff may trade or hold positions in securities that are discussed in articles appearing on the website. Writers of articles are required to disclose whether they have a position in any stock or fund discussed in an article, but are not permitted to disclose the size or direction of the position. Nothing on this website is intended to solicit business of any kind for a writer's business or fund. Minyanville management and staff as well as contributing writers will not respond to emails or other communications requesting investment advice.

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